#like at this point i have drawn him like... 6 times (2 ive yet to post btw 👀 look forward to seeing them in august lol)

[not-xpr-art]

u ever struggle so much with one blokes nose so much that u end up frantically sketching it 12 times in the space of a couple hours or are u normal?!

[neil-gaiman]

How Did you come up with the first eve in the story about adams wives? I haven’t been able to find anything about her after I read it and I want to know if she’s an actual biblical character or just someone you made

She's from the Midrash. I learned about her as a 12 year old, from my barmitzvah teacher. There was a point in there, long after I'd put her into Sandman, where I was starting to think I'd imagined her, when I ran across her in Robert Graves's Hebrew Myths....

Excerpt from: The Hebrew Myths by Robert Graves and Raphael Patai (New York:  Doubleday, 1964), pp 65-69

Chapter 10: Adam's Helpmeets

(a) Having decided to give Adam a helpmeet lest he should be alone of his kind, God put him into a deep sleep, removed one of his ribs, formed it into a woman, and closed up the wound, Adam awoke and said: 'This being shall be named "Woman", because she has been taken out of man. A man and a woman shall be one flesh.' The title he gave her was Eve, 'the Mother of All Living''. [1]

(b) Some say that God created man and woman in His own image on the Sixth Day, giving them charge over the world; [2]  but that Eve did not yet exist. Now, God had set Adam to name every beast, bird and other living thing. When they passed before him in pairs, male and female, Adam-being already like a twenty-year-old man-felt jealous of their loves, and though he tried coupling with each female in turn, found no satisfaction in the act. He therefore cried: 'Every creature but I has a proper mate', and prayed God would remedy this injustice. [3]

(c) God then formed Lilith, the first woman, just as He had formed Adam, except that He used filth and sediment instead of pure dust. From Adam's union with this demoness, and with another like her named Naamah, Tubal Cain's sister, sprang Asmodeus and innumerable demons that still plague mankind. Many generations later, Lilith and Naamah came to Solomon's judgement seat, disguised as harlots of Jerusalem'. [4]

(d) Adam and Lilith never found peace together; for when he wished to lie with her, she took offence at the recumbent posture he demanded. 'Why must I lie beneath you?' she asked. 'I also was made from dust, and am therefore your equal.' Because Adam tried to compel her obedience by force, Lilith, in a rage, uttered the magic name of God, rose into the air and left him.

Adam complained to God: 'I have been deserted by my helpmeet' God at once sent the angels Senoy, Sansenoy and Semangelof to fetch Lilith back. They found her beside the Red Sea, a region abounding in lascivious demons, to whom she bore lilim at the rate of more than one hundred a day. 'Return to Adam without delay,' the angels said, `or we will drown you!' Lilith asked: `How can I return to Adam and live like an honest housewife, after my stay beside the Red Sea?? 'It will be death to refuse!' they answered. `How can I die,' Lilith asked again, `when God has ordered me to take charge of all newborn children: boys up to the eighth day of life, that of circumcision; girls up to the twentieth day. None the less, if ever I see your three names or likenesses displayed in an amulet above a newborn child, I promise to spare it.' To this they agreed; but God punished Lilith by making one hundred of her demon children perish daily; [5] and if she could not destroy a human infant, because of the angelic amulet, she would spitefully turn against her own. [6]

(e) Some say that Lilith ruled as queen in Zmargad, and again in Sheba; and was the demoness who destroyed job's sons. [7] Yet she escaped the curse of death which overtook Adam, since they had parted long before the Fall. Lilith and Naamah not only strangle infants but also seduce dreaming men, any one of whom, sleeping alone, may become their victim. [8]

(f) Undismayed by His failure to give Adam a suitable helpmeet, God tried again, and let him watch while he built up a woman's anatomy: using bones, tissues, muscles, blood and glandular secretions, then covering the whole with skin and adding tufts of hair in places. The sight caused Adam such disgust that even when this woman, the First Eve, stood there in her full beauty, he felt an invincible repugnance. God knew that He had failed once more, and took the First Eve away. Where she went, nobody knows for certain. [9]

(g) God tried a third time, and acted more circumspectly. Having taken a rib from Adam's side in his sleep, He formed it into a woman; then plaited her hair and adorned her, like a bride, with twenty-four pieces of jewellery, before waking him. Adam was entranced. [10]

(h) Some say that God created Eve not from Adam's rib, but from a tail ending in a sting which had been part of his body. God cut this off, and the stump-now a useless coccyx-is still carried by Adam's descendants. [11]

(i) Others say that God's original thought had been to create two human beings, male and female; but instead He designed a single one with a male face looking forward, and a female face looking back. Again He changed His mind, removed Adam's backward-looking face, and built a woman's body for it. [12]

(j) Still others hold that Adam was originally created as an androgyne of male and female bodies joined back to back. Since this posture made locomotion difficult, and conversation awkward, God divided the androgyne and gave each half a new rear. These separate beings He placed in Eden, forbidding them to couple. [13]

Notes on sources:

1. Genesis II. 18-25; III. 20.

2. Genesis I. 26-28.

3. Gen. Rab. 17.4; B. Yebamot 632.

4. Yalqut Reubeni ad. Gen. II. 21; IV. 8.

5. Alpha Beta diBen Sira, 47; Gaster, MGWJ, 29 (1880), 553 ff.

6. Num. Rab. 16.25.

7. Targum ad job 1. 15.

8. B. Shabbat 151b; Ginzberg, LJ, V. 147-48.

9. Gen. Rab. 158, 163-64; Mid. Abkir 133, 135; Abot diR. Nathan 24; B. Sanhedrin 39a.

10. Gen. II. 21-22; Gen. Rab. 161.

11. Gen. Rab. 134; B. Erubin 18a.

12. B. Erubin 18a.

13. Gen. Rab. 55; Lev. Rab. 14.1: Abot diR. Nathan 1.8; B. Berakhot 61a; B. Erubin 18a; Tanhuma Tazri'a 1; Yalchut Gen. 20; Tanh. Buber iii.33; Mid. Tehillim 139, 529.

Authors’ Comments on the Myth:

1. The tradition that man's first sexual intercourse was with animals, not women, may be due to the widely spread practice of bestiality among herdsmen of the Middle East, which is still condoned by custom, although figuring three times in the Pentateuch as a capital crime. In the Akkadian Gilgamesh Epic, Enkidu is said to have lived with gazelles and jostled other wild beasts at the watering place, until civilized by Aruru's priestess. Having enjoyed her embraces for six days and seven nights, he wished to rejoin the wild beasts but, to his surprise, they fled from him. Enkidu then knew that he had gained understanding, and the priestess said: 'Thou art wise, Enkidu, like unto a godl'

2. Primeval man was held by the Babylonians to have been androgynous. Thus the Gilgamesh Epic gives Enkidu androgynous features: `the hair of his head like a woman's, with locks that sprout like those of Nisaba, the Grain-goddess.' The Hebrew tradition evidently derives from Greek sources, because both terms used in a Tannaitic midrash to describe the bisexual Adam are Greek: androgynos, 'man-woman', and diprosopon, 'twofaced'. Philo of Alexandria, the Hellenistic philosopher and commentator on the Bible, contemporary with Jesus, held that man was at first bisexual; so did the Gnostics. This belief is clearly borrowed from Plato. Yet the myth of two bodies placed back to back may well have been founded on observation of Siamese twins, which are sometimes joined in this awkward manner. The two-faced Adam appears to be a fancy derived from coins or statues of Janus, the Roman New Year god.

3. Divergences between the Creation myths of Genesis r and n, which allow Lilith to be presumed as Adam's first mate, result from a careless weaving together of an early Judaean and a late priestly tradition. The older version contains the rib incident. Lilith typifies the Anath-worshipping Canaanite women, who were permitted pre-nuptial promiscuity. Time after time the prophets denounced Israelite women for following Canaanite practices; at first, apparently, with the priests' approval-since their habit of dedicating to God the fees thus earned is expressly forbidden in Deuteronomy xxIII. I8. Lilith's flight to the Red Sea recalls the ancient Hebrew view that water attracts demons. 'Tortured and rebellious demons' also found safe harbourage in Egypt. Thus Asmodeus, who had strangled Sarah's first six husbands, fled 'to the uttermost parts of Egypt' (Tobit viii. 3), when Tobias burned the heart and liver of a fish on their wedding night.

4. Lilith's bargain with the angels has its ritual counterpart in an apotropaic rite once performed in many Jewish communities. To protect the newborn child against Lilith-and especially a male, until he could be permanently safeguarded by circumcision-a ring was drawn with natron, or charcoal, on the wall of the birthroom, and inside it were written the words: 'Adam and Eve. Out, Lilith!' Also the names Senoy, Sansenoy and Semangelof (meanings uncertain) were inscribed on the door. If Lilith nevertheless succeeded in approaching the child and fondling him, he would laugh in his sleep. To avert danger, it was held wise to strike the sleeping child's lips with one finger-whereupon Lilith would vanish.

5. 'Lilith' is usually derived from the Babylonian-Assyrian word lilitu, ,a female demon, or wind-spirit'-one of a triad mentioned in Babylonian spells. But she appears earlier as 'Lillake' on a 2000 B.G. Sumerian tablet from Ur containing the tale of Gilgamesh and the Willow Tree. There she is a demoness dwelling in the trunk of a willow-tree tended by the Goddess Inanna (Anath) on the banks of the Euphrates. Popular Hebrew etymology seems to have derived 'Lilith' from layil, 'night'; and she therefore often appears as a hairy night-monster, as she also does in Arabian folklore. Solomon suspected the Queen of Sheba of being Lilith, because she had hairy legs. His judgement on the two harlots is recorded in I Kings III. 16 ff. According to Isaiah xxxiv. I4-I5, Lilith dwells among the desolate ruins in the Edomite Desert where satyrs (se'ir), reems, pelicans, owls, jackals, ostriches, arrow-snakes and kites keep her company.

6. Lilith's children are called lilim. In the Targum Yerushalmi, the priestly blessing of Numbers vi. 26 becomes: 'The Lord bless thee in all thy doings, and preserve thee from the Lilim!' The fourth-century A.D. commentator Hieronymus identified Lilith with the Greek Lamia, a Libyan queen deserted by Zeus, whom his wife Hera robbed of her children. She took revenge by robbing other women of theirs.

7. The Lamiae, who seduced sleeping men, sucked their blood and ate their flesh, as Lilith and her fellow-demonesses did, were also known as Empusae, 'forcers-in'; or Mormolyceia, 'frightening wolves'; and described as 'Children of Hecate'. A Hellenistic relief shows a naked Lamia straddling a traveller asleep on his back. It is characteristic of civilizations where women are treated as chattels that they must adopt the recumbent posture during intercourse, which Lilith refused. That Greek witches who worshipped Hecate favoured the superior posture, we know from Apuleius; and it occurs in early Sumerian representations of the sexual act, though not in the Hittite. Malinowski writes that Melanesian girls ridicule what they call `the missionary position', which demands that they should lie passive and recumbent.

8. Naamah, 'pleasant', is explained as meaning that 'the demoness sang pleasant songs to idols'. Zmargad suggest smaragdos, the semi-precious aquamarine; and may therefore be her submarine dwelling. A demon named Smaragos occurs in the Homeric Epigrams.

9. Eve's creation by God from Adam's rib-a myth establishing male supremacy and disguising Eve's divinity-lacks parallels in Mediterranean or early Middle-Eastern myth. The story perhaps derives iconotropically from an ancient relief, or painting, which showed the naked Goddess Anath poised in the air, watching her lover Mot murder his twin Aliyan; Mot (mistaken by the mythographer for Yahweh) was driving a curved dagger under Aliyan's fifth rib, not removing a sixth one. The familiar story is helped by a hidden pun on tsela, the Hebrew for 'rib': Eve, though designed to be Adam's helpmeet, proved to be a tsela, a 'stumbling', or 'misfortune'. Eve's formation from Adam's tail is an even more damaging myth; perhaps suggested by the birth of a child with a vestigial tail instead of a coccyx-a not infrequent occurrence.

10. The story of Lilith's escape to the East and of Adam's subsequent marriage to Eve may, however, record an early historical incident: nomad herdsmen, admitted into Lilith's Canaanite queendom as guests (see 16. 1), suddenly seize power and, when the royal household thereupon flees, occupy a second queendom which owes allegiance to the Hittite Goddess Heba.

The meaning of 'Eve' is disputed. Hawwah is explained in Genesis III. 20 as 'mother of all living'; but this may well be a Hebraicized form of the divine name Heba, Hebat, Khebat or Khiba. This goddess, wife of the Hittite Storm-god, is shown riding a lion in a rock-sculpture at Hattusaswhich equates her with Anath-and appears as a form of Ishtar in Hurrian texts. She was worshipped at Jerusalem (see 27. 6). Her Greek name was Hebe, Heracles's goddess-wife.

[cellydawn]

sans IS gaster (OR the sans theory masterpost pt. 2)

Part 1 || ❤️ || Part 3

(drawn by me, color by @magenteel​)

Previously, we discussed: Sans and his hand in the destruction of a world, his connection to Ice-E and Deltarune, and how he relates to Gaster. We’re going to continue the thread we left off on.

Section III - Gaster (Cont.)

Snails are mentioned too many times throughout Undertale for them to not be of any significance. As it turns out, they are pretty important in unraveling the mystery behind Gaster and Sans.

When you enter the area with Napstablook’s snail farm, you’ll notice that Sans’s theme is playing despite him not making an appearance. 

In one of Papyrus’s phone calls, he mentions that Sans recently bought snail-shaped pasta and says “He’ll probably fill them with hotdogs and slime.” Toriel also owns a book called “72 User for Snails”. Track 72 in the Undertale OST is “Song That Might Play When You Fight Sans”. That’s multiple times that Sans is likened to snails. 

Snails belong under the taxonomic class Gastropoda. Gasterpods.

These long pauses between words and phrases are not unlike how Gaster speaks.

Here is Gaster speaking with us in the opening sequence of Deltarune. And...

Now. Let’s move on.

(More under the cut.)

Mus_smile is the track that plays in room_gaster. This is my personal opinion, but the character that is the most strongly associated with smiles is Sans.

And Sans is certainly intelligent enough to be the prime suspect for being Gaster. The proper name for his namesake is Comic Sans Microsoft, or Comic Sans MS. MS can also be used as a suffix for the name of a person who has a degree in a Master of Science.

Sans also owns quantum physics books. The subject of Gaster’s scientific research is revealed in Entry #17: “photon readings negative”. Photons are described as a "quantum" of electromagnetic energy, and are of course within the realm of study under quantum physics.

Gaster, like Sans, is brilliant yet slow-working. Slower than Alphys, who is repeatedly noted to have nothing to show yet as the royal scientist in the eyes of the people and is shown to slack off constantly.

Gaster is implied to have perished, and I suppose he did, in a way, if these speculations do end up being correct. However, there’s something more to this statement. Ghosts are sort of in the realm of being not-alive, and Sans and Napstablook have a surprising level of comparability.

They both:

Get likened to “garbage”

Have connections to snails (Napstablook runs the snail farm)

Speak completely in lower case

Pretend to sleep and say “Z’s” out loud

Have black “sclera”

And the black sclera is also a topic of its own; it’s equated with the status of being brought back to life. Being “determined”. (See: Asriel and Undyne)

Undyne is especially suspect due to the strange right-eye-phenomenon she has in common with Sans, with spears shooting out of hers. Spears that are actually colored light blue, not unlike Sans’s eye. 

To recap: 

Sans and Gaster are heavily involved in Deltarune

They have been displaced from time and space

They have connections to snails

They are both doctors with knowledge in quantum physics

They both “fell” into the abyss

They both talk similarly

They are both slow

They are both characterized by their smile

They are both some degree of dead

Sans is Gaster or a significant piece of him. Sans has Gaster Blasters because they belong to him. If all prior conjecture proves true, he is and will be responsible for the destruction of a world or THE world within Deltarune. After all, the Latin definitions of “gaster” and “sans” are to destroy and to be without, respectively. 

That brings us to the next subject: why is Sans Sans? More specifically, why is that his name? Why even change his name?

Below is the Japanese version of the fun event with Sans’s phone call. It features completely different dialogue from its English counterpart. 

Am I Licca-chan? (Select No) Then from now on call me Sans. I need to check every once in a while. I won’t know when my name has changed. 

“Licca-chan” is a well-known Barbie-esque dress-up doll in Japan, so popular to the point where it is even used as a synonym for other dolls from different companies. Perhaps it implies that Sans is adaptable due to Licca-chan’s nature as a doll and how she is in a constant state of change to reflect the times. It also seems to be a pun on “liquor” because Sans was talking about beer in the English version. I tried to scour the Japanese fandom for clues, but they also seemed stumped. If anyone has any ideas on what this could mean, please let me know!

Regardless, “Sans” doesn’t seem to be his actual name. Perhaps his true name was Gaster...?

Additionally, If the player changes the name of the fallen child via going into the code, this message appears in the stats menu. The vernacular is very Sans-like, with his frequent use of question tags at the end of his sentences (I counted 14 huh’s from Sans).

Finally, let’s talk about the number six. We know that it’s Gaster’s number--All of the explicitly Gaster-related fun events trigger for fun values in the sixties, Gaster’s stats are all comprised of 6′s, Gaster’s “typer-value” is 666--you get the idea.

The concept art Toby drew for the Alarm Clock’s character screen features what is presumably Sans and the number six.

“The Choice”--the track that plays during Sans’s judgements--is “Undertale” slowed down by 666%.

Section IV - Angels and Demons (The “Why”)

In modern day culture, 666 is closely associated with the devil. The Book of Revelation (13:17-18) asserts that 666 is “the number of a man” (this is important, and we’ll come back to it later) and is “the number of the Beast”. The Beast is mentioned as “coming out of the abyss”. 

Sounds a lot like someone else we know, doesn’t it? And how fitting for Sans, the one who judges our sins and demands us “to burn in hell”.

But if we go further, the Beast of Revelation is described to have seven heads representing seven kings. The beast itself is an eighth king who is of the seven and "was and is not and shall ascend out of the bottomless pit, and go into perdition." 

Chara is an eighth of the seven fallen children. 

There’s something Chara, Sans, and Gaster all share, and it’s their association with demons.

Here is an excerpt from the Cutting Room Floor:

Among the four strings in version 1.0, the last one, designated by variable “demond”, stands out for two reasons. 

 The letter “d” is separate from the other letters denoting the demon variables--the rest, “x”, “y”, and “z” are in sequential alphabet order.

The speech pattern of the last string is different from the others. It has that signature question tag at the end of the sentence that a certain character is known for.

In version 1.001, the strings clearly reflect Chara’s speech pattern. This time, all the variables are in sequential order from “a” to “d”. 

Pieces of dialogue at the near-end of a genocide route from Chara and Sans. Recall that Chara is using the same “Now” from earlier with Gaster and Sans.

Chara makes a reference to Banana Yoshimoto's book “Kitchen”. Take note of the page number.

Chara is also linked to the number nine. It’s the highest achievable stat in-game. It’s the stat of the locket and real knife. It’s how much damage Chara deals. It’s also the number six flipped upside down. 

The connections are undeniable. 

And yet, it goes further. Let’s take a look at how Christmas comes in to play.

In Deltarune, there are a few references to it, the most foremost probably being the importance of Noelle Holiday as a character. We also get Lancer’s laugh and the joke with “Krismas”.

Back to Undertale, there is significant Christmas iconography represented by “Gyfmas” and Gyftrot (bearing a strong resemblance to Photoshop Flowey, the DT Extractor, and Gaster Blasters).

What I’d like to focus on is Santa.  Papyrus describes him as “a chubby, smiling man who loves to surprise people.” From the thank you note addressed to Santa we find in Sans’s room, we can assume that Sans is a Santa, at least to Papyrus. It’s pretty fitting, since Sans can be described as someone who “knows if [we’ve] been bad or good”. Maybe he can even tell if we’re sleeping or awake with how the Dark World appears to be linked with sleep and dreams (please read my theory on Sans being a Darkner for more on this).

So we can reasonably conclude that Sans presents himself as a friendly, child-oriented figure, in-line with the nature of Comic Sans, a font for children, and Ice-E, a mascot of a company marketed towards children.

…

Santa is an anagram of Satan. 

…

To recap: Gaster’s association with the number 666 marks him as a “demon”. Chara and Sans are also called demons and similarly have connections to the number 6. This is more evidence that Gaster and Sans is or used to be the same people, and Chara has some form of correspondence with them.

I failed to mention before that there is actually a second Beast of Revelation “from the Earth” with "two horns like a lamb”. From the “earth” like Flowey, with horns like Asriel. 

Asriel is most likely the “Angel” depicted in the prophecy within the scope of Undertale; he’s named similarly to Azrael, an angel of death, and one of his attacks is literally called “Angel of Death”. He also bears a striking resemblance to the Deltarune in his God of Hyperdeath form.

Surprise, surprise, he and Sans also share parallels. 

Let’s start with their introductions. “Flowey the flower”. “Sans the skeleton”. It’s a similarly alliterative greeting and they’re both using fake names.

Mirrored dialogue yet again...

…and similar meta-commentary.

These three characters--Sans/Gaster, Chara, and Flowey/Asriel--they have all fallen. Gaster fell into his creation. Chara fell into the Underground. Asriel had “fallen down”. (Sans and Papyrus are also the only sibling pair other than Chara and Asriel. I won’t talk about Papyrus in this part though because this thing is shaping up to be too long already.)

What does this mean for Sans? I have a personal theory.

Above the entryway of the Judgement Hall, there is a reversed Deltarune. The triangles are inverted and the wings are more bat-like. In the room where only Sans appears, the same room that plays a version of “Undertale” slowed down 666%.

I think Sans is a candidate for the Angel prophesized to destroy the world in Deltarune. I think he is Sans Serif, a seraph. He fell into his experiment and became a “fallen” angel, a demon. 

The Angel’s Heaven mentioned alongside, on the other hand...  Heaven can also be used to refer to God. Dog is an anagram of God. 

Sans has many, many connections with dogs, especially one Annoying Dog. More on this next time.

Part 1 || ❤️ || Part 3

[princediavolos]

every clue in endless summer, explained

technically the title is kinda misleading because some clues simply have no explanation, they just are. still, there’s a lot of pieces to be put together over the three books, and there are clues found in the first book that aren’t explained till the last one. (if you’re confused about the clues, here’s the fandom wiki for book 1, book 2 & book 3.)

before i dive in, here’s some clarifications:

i’ve used mc’s default name, taylor, and neutral pronouns wherever i’ve referred to them. the endless is also referred to by neutral pronouns.

acts 1, 2 & 3 fall under book 1

acts 4, 5 & 6 fall under book 2

acts 7 & 8 fall under book 3

each act has one bonus scene, so if i’m referring to bonus scene 5, it implies to the scene shown after act 5.

ok so unnecessarily long exposition under the cut!

ACT 1

i. tranquilizer dart: found by taylor and diego upon landing on the airstrip. presumably used on the sabretooth, t'kal, to keep it docile. likely done by rourke or his henchmen, but it is also highly possible the endless tranquilized t'kal in order to keep it from killing everyone.

ii. strange creature: a colourful flying seahorse, found by quinn and taylor along the beach in a premium scene. as shown in bonus scene 1, rourke knows of the creature, as he examines it with interest through his binoculars.

iii. weird lights: lights resembling the auroras displayed at the control tower, found by taylor and jake. it is later explained in book 2 chapter 10 by grace, that the lights are caused by the doppler effect, due to the dilation and contraction of time around la huerta. the vaanti call it the lights of vaanu, said to bring them good luck.

iv. vintage wine: if taylor goes to the ballroom with zahra, quinn notes that every bottle in the room predates 1924. as revealed in book 3 chapter 7, the wedding in the ballroom was that of flora and arthur, and group arrived there due to the time anomalies of the island.

v. sharp tooth: found by grace by the pool, near the fence. according to her, the bars were all twisted. presumably belongs to t'kal the sabretooth.

vi. old note: a note found by taylor and diego in one of the upgraded honeymoon/rainforest suites. it was written by flora sullivan to eugene rosencraft, before her wedding to arthur barnaby. it also references neptune cove, where the second half of the island's heart is found in book 3.

vii. pirate coin/wolf symbol: can be obtained either by going to the waterfall with quinn, or by hiking the cliff with jake. the doubloon is probably a remnant of malatesta and yvonne's loot, while the wolf symbol could have been left behind by the endless. the symbol also matches the stamp on jake's dossier.

viii. shoe prints: a set of muddy shoeprints were found by the celestial's shelter. no solid explanation or implication towards who these belong to.

ix. gas mask: found by taylor underwater in the cavern. it looks very old, and as noted by diego, probably from the world war times. it would have probably belonged to kele, a world war ii soldier who paddled his way into la huerta while escaping from the germans.

x. padlock: the unbroken padlock to the burning hangar, which implies that the hangar was unlocked and jake's plane sabotaged. in one of the memories taylor receives from the endless, lila is shown to deliberately sabotage the plane in order to keep everyone on the island, implying she may have done it in this timeline, too.

ACT 2

i. cufflink: lila is discovered pocketing the cufflink in rourke's office, which she probably did to discover his whereabouts later on. in bonus scene 2, rourke is shown to remove all his clothing, including his cufflinks, before he steps into the containment pod. the cufflink can also be used in book 1 chapter 10, where rourke's dna on it reveals a footage video of him complaining about strange occurrences on the island.

ii. dossiers: files containing data on sean, grace, raj and estela are found in the paper shredder, intact. each of them is stamped with symbols of the constellations aquila, cygnus, centaurus and draco respectively. the symbols are left behind by the endless.

iii. whiskey notes: a note discarded by rourke in the vip lounge, referencing the satellite uplink at the la huerta observatory. this is also shown in bonus scene 2.

iv. frying pan: a frying pan embossed with the centaurus symbol on it, which raj says he feels very drawn to. this was also left behind by the endless. he also uses this pan to deflect a sedative dart aimed at taylor in book 1 chapter 16.

v. arrowhead: an amber arrowhead is found lodged inside the king crab's shell, as found by taylor and estela. as the vaanti have been shown to use amber weaponry (as well as in other ways, such as the catalyst idols), it is implied that one of them may have attacked the guardian with an arrow.

vi. dossiers: files containing data on jake, zahra and diego found in the room inside the observatory. they are stamped with the symbols of the constellations lupus, corvus and canis. symbols left behind by the endless.

vii. strange gun: a futuristic gun found by either estela or jake. in book 1 chapter 16, it is revealed to be a tachyon accelerator, used to move objects forward in time. in bonus scene 5, lila refers to the gun as a temporal perforator.

viii. star map: a holographic display of constellations, as seen by taylor and sean as they go up the pod. sean points out that the stars in the sky over la huerta don't have the usual constellations, and that the stars have not looked like this for a million years. this is confirmed in the book 1 epilogue, when aleister notes that atropo's eruption has caused la huerta to go back to the hadean eon.

ACT 3

i. dossiers: files containing data on quinn, michelle and craig found by taylor and diego by the marina. they are stamped with the symbols of the constellations delphinus, pavo and ursa. symbols left behind by the endless.

ii. rourke's ship: if taylor and lila venture into a familiar-looking boat, they will discover it is rourke's ship, the daedalus. he was seen on the ship in bonus scene 1, and he presumably destroyed it along with the other boats on the marina immediately afterwards.

iii. plastic explosive: the semtex explosive is found by taylor in the back of the boat. it's what was used to blow up the other ships in the marina, but this one malfunctioned.

iv. strange shell: a blue-purple coloured shell that repeats the speaker's words over and over. in one of the memories taylor receives from the endless, varyyn is seen tearfully listening to the shell echoing diego's voice, saying 'i'll always love you, varyyn' over and over again as it gradually fades away.

v. telepathic vision: varyyn telepathically communicates with taylor, showing them what would happen if the catalysts didn't go with the vaanti. it is later revealed to be a depiction of atropo erupting, setting the whole world on fire and destroying it.

vi. numbers: in the wine cellar, 1908 refers to a lever to the underground tunnel, disguised as a vintage wine bottle, as well as the cheat code to rourke's arcade game, most wanted 2. rourke also uses an override program on iris called the directive 1908, explained in book 3 chapter 9, which makes iris prioritise the goal she was created for -- to utilise imogen rourke's knowledge on cloning to provide an heir to rourke. another program, directive 8091, forces estela into the omega mech cockpit in book 3 chapter 10, as she is rourke's 'true' heir.

vii. dossiers: files on taylor and aleister are found inside the security centre, both stamped by the endless with symbols of constellations andromeda and serpens. aleister's dossier is newer, printed recently by iris upon discovering that he was aboard the plane to la huerta.

viii. healing plant: leaves of the plant, when wrapped around aleister's bleeding palm, heal it with unnatural speed without a trace. grace and aleister theorize this may be due to some cellular reconstructive properties the leaves may contain.

ix. necklace: worn by varyyn in book 1, the necklace is seen to have time travelling properties, as it brings back jake/estela/sean/quinn/diego back from the dead. it is unknown if the endless facilitated its use or it is associated with rourke.

x. pirate cutlass: the cutlass was forged by malatesta and was stolen from him by admiral higgenbotham, who was presumably killed alongside malatesta's crew in the flashback taylor experiences, by the vaanti. yvonne then stole the cutlass from higgenbotham's corpse, naming it chouchou. it is unclear as to how the cutlass ended up on a display case at the celestial.

ACT 4

i. hydra caduceus: a staff found in rourke's library, which when placed in the statue's hand in the atrium, turns it into a sundial. iris says that the caduceus is the only item in the library she cannot find the origin of.

ii. crimson glove: a futuristic, yet battered metal glove put on display in rourke's underground museum; taylor realises that the person's arm was probably cut off. the glove belongs to the endless, who tells taylor that they learnt very soon that 'the laws of time can be very unforgiving' with reference to their loss of limb.

iii. shotgun shell: michelle and taylor find the 12-gauge armor-piercing shell casing, as identified by jake, during the time loop. he notes that whoever shot this meant business. the shell probably came from one of the arachnids who were on the island searching for jake.

iv. snowy hills: taylor, with either jake or estela, finds snow on the hills and by the lake on a hot and sunny day, indicating time is in disarray throughout different parts of the island, much like the northern and southern parts of the island.

v. wedding ring: a wedding ring is found on the hand of a statue of a masked bride, in the valley of tombs by jake and taylor. the statue is of flora sullivan, and the ring was given to her by eugene rosencraft which she had turned down. it was after this she wrote him the note found in act 1.

vi. tattoo: uqzhaal has a back tattoo of the legend of the threshold. it is the place where yvonne finds the endless in bonus scene 5, and where yvonne, taylor and uqzhaal meet the endless after collecting all the catalyst idols and solving the puzzle.

vii. words on the wind: the voices at the singing cliffs tell taylor that something is coming across the sea, destroying everything in its path. this could either be an immediate reference to yvonne's arrival the next morning, or a vague prediction about the omega mech used by rourke in book 3.

viii. musket ball: yvonne concedes the gold musket ball at sharktooth isle in exchange for their services to find her 'treasure.'

ix. antique compass: yvonne's said treasure turns out to be an antique compass which she tries to conceal; malatesta made her walk the plank for stealing this compass, which she did in order to find the fountain of youth. the compass also leads her to the threshold in bonus scene 5.

x: oath blade: seraxa's gift to taylor for saving taari, saying that debts must be repaid in accordance with vaanti culture. she is shown to threaten the catalysts with this blade in book 2 chapter 4.

ACT 5

i. silver sap: the sap that drips from elyy'stel's tree aids the catalysts to walk in between dimensions. it is the consumption of this sap by eugene and flora that gradually turned them feral and eventually into the vaanti.

ii. deep fissure: if taylor keeps rewinding until they can't go any further, right up to the ancient sea, the catalysts witness the forming of a fissure in the ocean bed. this fissure was caused by vaanu crash-landing on the earth, and it eventually becomes mount atropo, and forms the bubble surrounding la huerta.

iii. the island's heart: one half of the island's heart, which was formed right in the crux of the volcano, found by the catalysts in the base of elyy'stel's tree.

iv. the mask maker: the masks worn by the vaanti bear the name of their maker, rosencraft & sons, 1921. this explains the masks worn by guests at flora and arthur's wedding, which also took place in the rosencraft manor. the rosencrafts were said to be bankrupt, and that the estate belonged to the banks.

v. burning shard: a burning crystal shard that glows green and reacts the same way that quinn did while possessed by the island's heart. it is one of many crystal shards scattered across the island, originating from the crux of the volcano.

vi. mansingh crater: a crater found near the chasm bears the name of mansingh transglobal tech, the company run by grace's mother, blaire hall. it is suspicious to both taylor and grace, as it implies blaire hall was somehow involved with rourke. no further explanation has been made about the crater.

vii. newspaper clipping: a scrap of an article is found by taylor in the elysian lodge, detailing the deaths of arjun and subhanu sethi due to a car accident, also killing their son and putting their daughter in a critical condition. this daughter is lila, and this article implies that rourke (or someone else) was doing a background research on lila.

viii. rourke's note: an old note written by rourke to look into the new junior researcher, as they look familiar. this is most likely a reference to olivia montoya, although it is not known where he recognises her from.

ACT 6

i. rourke's plan: out of agitation, lila blurts out rourke's plan to save the world through a machine at the masada facility. this machine turns out to be the omega mech, and rourke's plan happens to be controlling the world and its people's existence on his whims.

ii. tracking device: a tracking device is found by taylor, attached to the yeti's fur. this was placed there by the arachnid. this tracking device relays location details back to them, as seen in the military humvee by michelle, jake and taylor, where the code name for the yeti is arktos.

iii. garbled message: a distorted voice reveals the date and coordinates of jake's location, received by the arachnid through an anonymous transmission, which is how they came upon la huerta in the first place. this voice belongs to jake himself, who did so using a 'time-phone' in order to merge realities and help them escape through a helicopter from the masada facility.

iv. crashed satellite: varyyn, while talking about shooting stars, says a satellite once crashed to the ground from the skies. it is probably a stray satellite that got caught in the la huerta time bubble, or it belonged to rourke.

v. omega mech: olivia montoya demonstrates rourke's plans for the omega specimen, aka the endless, through a vr headset. she urges the viewer to understand the destruction the specimen, and rourke, are capable of.

vi. missing guests: rourke claimed that the guests at the celestial were evacuated in time at the beginning of the book, but it is shown that he had them put in containment pods. as seen in bonus scene 4, lundgren and the other arachnids were a part of these guests, but were released by rourke upon striking a deal with him to capture jake.

vii. charred skeletons: skeletons of people are found in the flames and ashes at hartfeld, proving that people did not escape the eruption.

viii. havana cigar: lundgren's cigar at the masada facility implies that he was snooping around where he shouldn't, and that he didn't trust rourke. this distrust is confirmed in bonus scene 6.

ACT 7

i. temple/ancient map: if taylor, yvonne and uqzhaal find the endless, they will give the whereabouts of no'ox naj temple to yvonne, where the fountain of youth exists. if they don't find the endless, taylor and yvonne find a carving of the la huerta map on the walls at the threshold, also hinting towards the temple. the whole group meets the endless for the first time in this temple in book 3 chapter 4.

ii. scout: a mechanical spider with a spy camera is found by taylor while they go windsurfing to win malatesta's bet. like the tracker on the yeti, this was also placed by the arachnid to track down their locations.

iii. padlock: a weathered padlock bearing the inscription, 'no land, no sea, no one will keep us apart. flora & eugene, 1920,' found by taylor in a coral reef. after turning down eugene's proposal (the ring clue, book 2), she tried to make it up to him with this padlock and by asking him to show up at neptune cove (the note clue, book 1). when he failed to show up, flora gave up on him and somehow ended up in a forced marriage to arthur barnaby a year later.

iv. pen: a tarnished silver pen bearing grace's name is found in the shrine at no'ox naj temple. it is implausible that she was at the temple, as she was under rourke's custody the whole time. it is also the same pen seen in grace's catalyst idol, returned to her by aleister and ultimately found near professor diaz's car which she had smashed up.

v. silver sap: one of the drinks served at the anachronists' party at quarr'tel is the silver sap from elyys'tel's tree. the creation of the vaanti myth, which is said to have started at a masquerade theme wedding, is that of flora and arthur's, where the former gets shot after confessing her love for eugene at the wedding. in an attempt to save her, eugene gives her some of this sap. this consumption eventually turns them into the feral vaanti.

vi. spirit's identity: the anachronist, clockmaker, refers to the faceless spirit as vaanu. in reality, vaanu is simply an alien being from another planet (the prism dimension) who crash landed on earth when its planet was destroyed. upon communing with vaanu, taylor discovers they are vaanu's creation, made for the purpose of returning la huerta to its normal state, allowing vaanu's departure.

vii. aleister's note: aleister writes a note to grace, apologising to her, and how he feels genuine remorse over his betrayal. he mentions that he hopes to redeem himself in her eyes.

ACT 8:

i. painting: at the rosencraft manor, there's a painting titled 'depiction of the divine' portraying rourke writing the ten commandments dressed in roman attire. the attire probably matches the statue of himself in the atrium, which opens up the sundial to his museum.

ii. communicator: the anachronists provide sean, raj and michelle with antique communicators which lets them coordinate the attack on cetus.

iii. path to the core: vaanu shows quinn the way to the core of the volcano, where the island's heart belongs. this core is the place where vaanu landed on earth.

iv. molten crystals: a crystal orb with claw markings in it, made by the oryctoraptor that dwells inside the volcano. referred to by varyyn as the deep guardian, it is the most reclusive of the four. it is also responsible for the orb found in the cavern in book 1 chapter 5, and possibly the orb that causes the time loop in book 2 chapter 2.

v. the endless' musings: zahra finds a diary belonging to the endless at the base of the volcano, in which they speak of how the sentience of the crystals probably drew the four guardians (cetus, king crab, yeti, oryctoraptor) to establish order on the island, but they were driven mad. the endless also believes it is possible the crystal created the creatures. this is possible, as it would explain the existence of the colourful seahorse, t'kal and furball (although they have not been affected like the guardians have.)

vi. closing words: the closing words spoken by seraxa during the handfasting ceremony, which is customary as 'it was for the first bride and her beloved.' they are the same words that were engraved in the padlock that flora made for eugene.

[wizkiddx]

worst case scenario part 3

umm so, never ever intended it to be this long but here we are. again this is v dark so please please read the warning!! also [and obvs] this is very medically inaccurate and just a work of my head aha

[part 1] [part 2]

warning: mentions of death / hospital / mentions of childhood abandonment too- please don't read if this could affect you <3

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His heart was thundering in his chest, so much so it drowned out all other sounds making all the doctors words fade into the background. Conciously, he really was trying to listen to what the doctor was saying; consciously he knew she was trying to prepare him to see Y/n; consciously he knew she knew he wasn’t okay. But really? It didn’t matter, and as they drew closer to his fiancé Tom felt an urgent sense of relief purely know she was there. She was there and she wasn’t dead…yet. 

Only two people were allowed to go up, just because the nature of the ward - everything was meticulously controlled, including the comings and goings of visitors. If you’ve never been in an ICU it’s a pretty hard environment to describe. Really, it’s just another hospital ward, with capacity of about 20 beds. Each bed has much more equipment surrounding that the average and a nurse is stationed per patient, monitoring every possible variable that the machienes are measuring, so any trend (either positive or negative) can be identified at the earliest point. Though in everyones head, it seems as though ICU is a common place ending up for some unfortunate sod when something bad happens, it’s actually really rare for someone to be so ill and dependant on medicine to maintain normal body functioning. Only the most severe trauma, infection of the most dangerous microorganism, surgery of such high stakes normally make an appearance on the ward. And ,on average, between 8-20% patients that are admitted to an ICU never make it out. 

And those grim figures were unignorable to anyone. As soon as you walk through the doors, the atmosphere is intense and ineffable. It’s not spoken, but is so incredibly morbid it makes anyone shiver. 

Dom felt this, squeezing his sons shoulder as he followed Tom and the doctor, just a pace or so behind them. Having offered to go with Tom, whilst Harrison took Nikki to see the baby, Dom was now feeling just as clueless as his son did. Except he was actually listening to what the doctor was trying to warn them about and it scared him. The three, made it to the door and with a swipe of her ID card the doctor admitted the Holland men in. Gratefully, none of the staff took any notice of who was walking in, they were much too busy for that - Dom was incredibly relieved, had someone recognised Tom when he was in this state, god knows what would’ve happened.

The doctors pace was with purpose, perhaps so that the two couldn’t spend too long ogling the other patients in the beds - who all looked almost unhuman with the amount of tubes and wires coming out and into them. But then, she slowed up, halting infront of a bay about 5 or 6 down the ward. Spinning on her heel and with a subtle nod to momentarily release the nurse from her post at Y/n’s bedside, to give them a bit of privacy, she looked at the two men. 

“You can touch her, just be gentle with the wires.”

Shellshocked and terrified, Tom was frozen those 2 metres away from the bed barely able to see her face over all the equipment. Yet undoubtedly, it was his finance’s delicate visage lying on the white pillow, with a thick white mouthpiece and tube covering her mouth and stuffed into her nose. Not able to move, both Dom and Dr Goodwell sensitively waited - it was an adjustment to say the least, seeing someone you knew so well look so different. With quiet tears starting to roll down his eyes, Tom eventually started to inch toward the bedside, taking his time to try and absorb everything of this frankly ridiculous situation. He couldn’t get over how, even considering it all, above her nose it just looked like Y/n. Like she was asleep in their bed, eyes closed as if she had once again  fallen asleep infront of a random Netflix movie Tom had bugged her enough to watch in bed. And it was, ever so slightly comforting. That was still her, that was still the love of his life lying there. And she was still alive - which given the last few hours, was enough. 

Reaching the bedside, Tom naturally reached out and stroked the top of her head delicately, pulling into place a few rogue strands that seemed to have a mind of their own - she had always hated when her hair got frizzy. The picture had Tom’s mind casting back to their first holiday, a serene if quick few days in Fiji-  though Y/n didnt know this , that holiday had been one of the most important times in their relationship for Tom. Until then, given the nature of his job, the couple had only ever managed brief periods together. They spent time together as and when they could in between Tom’s busy schedule but it was never as long as they’d like. Somehow though, he’d managed to squeeze a few days away to surprise Y/n with the trip. 

It was everything he’d ever hoped it would be and more. In fact it was then Tom was oh so sure he would be spending the rest of his life with her. This thought crossed his mind on the last morning, when he had for once woken up before Y/n - her head mere cms away from his on the pillow. Just like now, her hair had been all over the place and her sparkling green eyes locked shut. Contrastingly though, in Fiji the sight had made him smile softly; now it just made him cry again. 

“Would you like a minute alone Mr Holland? We will just wait outside?” Not even turning round to properly respond to the doctor, Tom just nodded violently, not taking his eyes off his fiancé - waiting till he heard his Dad and the doctor leave the bay; then the curtains be completely drawn to a close, before he shakily cleared his throat to whisper.

“Hey darling… you um-you’ve scared me shitless today… and… and I’m supposed to be the dramatic one in the relationship.” Chuckling wetly, Tom clasped his other hand in Y/n’s - still mindful of the IV port coming out of the top of her wrist. Not that he was expecting any sort of response, yet the lack of her squeezing his hand back still had his heart sink. “Look I…I love you so bloody much and I really need you to get better okay? You’ve never listened to me before but I really am begging you to now, I just.” Swallowing thickly, he shut his eyes momentarily and delicately rested his forehead on hers - his touch feather light. Just needing to feel her. “I just really need you and I really love you., okay?” 

Unsurprisingly he didn’t get a response. The rhetorical question hung in the air alone, safe the mechanical whir of the ventilator and various chimes of the machines and monitor, till his Dad came in. Grasping and squeezing his shoulder lightly, Dom provided the stimulus for his son to unfold from over the bed, standing upright, as both men just took in the sight of Y/n lying there for a minute or two. 

“I need her Dad. I-I-“

“I know Tom.” Speaking so quietly it was barely audible, Dom’s eventual agreement at what Tom was saying was in a way a relief. Haz and his mum had both either been saying or implying that they would be okay no matter what - which came from a good place but was so infuriating. Because god forbid, if this situation got worse Tom knew it wouldn’t be okay. Nothing would ever be okay again. So his Dad’s simple acknowledgment meant a lot, causing Tom to turn round and embrace his slightly shorter father. 

Dr Goodwell silently watched the exchange for a short while and once the men eventually pulled away she stepped forward to give some more information. She went through what all the biggest and scary looking tubes and wires were doing for Y/n, before explaining the next steps. 

“Now as I said before we are sedating her at the moment, while we wait and see if she gets any complications from the surgery that are better treated while she is asleep. By this afternoon we will have a clearer idea and by that point we may choose to withdraw that sedation. It’s important that you are aware though that she might not wakeup immediately. Sometimes some people that have suffered similarly to your fiancé will be unconscious for a while in what I’d presume you’ve heard of as a ‘coma’. Now it’s not as dramatic as you see on TV shows, it’s just Ms Y/l/n’s brain giving her body a chance to recover. It’s often a longer process, which I know is something you don’t want to hear, but I have to be honest.” The doctor was stern but in a softer and from-a-caring-place. “These patients are suggested to possibly recover quicker if they have a steady support network behind them, which it seems like she does. That means that you need to look after yourself so you can help her sir, especially in what could be a long process. It’s not going to be helpful for Yn if you’re killing yourself trying to be here all the time… It seems like Y/n already has quite a big group of you here for her, so please remember you’ve got all of her care team here and everyone else to help you too….Does that make sense sir?”

“Tom” His Dad, in a gentle but firm warning tone, urged Tom to speak and to listen. Properly listen. 

“Yeh… I-yeh It’s just all a lot right now.”

“Of course… and we promise that if anything changes with her condition, you will be phoned straight away. You are welcome to stay as long as you want - the only rules are two at a time, no flowers, sign in and out and then sanitise your hands pretty excessively. If you need anything, Ms Y/l/n’s nurse will be your first port of call.”

“Thanks for everything” Dom nodded in a gracious manner, which the doctor seemed to massively appreciate - apparently, for the job they do not receiving a hell of a lot of thanks. 

“I’ll pop back in a little bit.”

And for a couple of hours everything everything felt like a bit of an anticlimax, nothing happened, not a lot changed. Just Tom and Dom sat next to Y/n’s bed in silence; Harrison and Nikki downstairs with the baby, till Dom got a phone call from Nikki asking them to meet at the neonatal unit  - which was limited by visitor numbers unlike the ICU. Thinking it’d be simple, the elder man gained Tom’s attention with a call of his name, explaining they should go down to meet up. 

“I’m not going down there.”

“Son, I know you’re worried by Y/n isnt going anywhere right now. The doctors said they’d call you if anything happens.”

“It’s not-“ Tom stopped himself, biting his tongue and looking away from his Dad. “I just don’t want to go down there.” Slowly, Dom was more and more realising Tom’s thought process and honestly… it scared him. In the hopes this was just a big misunderstanding he offered a different option - hoping Tom would equally refuse that. Dom suggested going down to the cafe instead, which most unfortunately Tom agreed to. It wasn’t leaving Y/n that was the issue, it was being near the baby. 

Tom’s daughter. Unnamed and apparently abondoned by both parents. 

Anyhow, Dom resigned to playing into Tom’s choice, perhaps Nikki and Harrison would be able to swing him round, to see sense. It still took Tom getting the nurse to triple check they had his correct number on record , just in case, before Dom could tear him away from the bed. Fortunately the pair found a quiet and secluded corner table, where Tom was still yet to be recognised, while Nikki and Haz found them too. 

What followed was Tom answering all his mum and Harrison’s questions about Y/n’s condition, in a blunt and emotionless manner - without Tom returning fire by asking any questions at all about his beautiful little baby girl. Eventually Nikki braved it, someone had to bring it up. 

“Well it sounds like littles going to change for a while… maybe you should head home for a bit? You’ve been up half the night and you look shattered love. You don’t have to go back to yours… you could stay in your old room for a bit?” Tom being by himself at the moment sounded like the most incredibly stupid idea ever, Nikki was offering it as a choice - when in reality there was only one option.

“Maybe later this evening I will? Just don’t want to leave her alone yet.”

“It’s already 7 love, you’ve not eaten all day, you got to look after yourself too.” Harrison and Dom sat awkwardly while Nikki tried to delicately encourage Tom into what was the only sensible plan, watching him nurse the small hot choclate in both his palms. Time really had lost all meaning at this point, for him it felt both years since he’d first arrived with Y/n and at the same time barely 10 minutes ago. It felt weird. 

“We can take shifts? If-if you want someone with her I mean… I don’t mind staying for a bit longer if it means you head back to your parents.” Harrison really truly didnt mind, in fact he sort of wanted to. He wanted to see Y/n’s face definitely alive, wanted to feel reassured by the monitors. Shockingly, Tom slowly nodded his head, surprising everyone with his lack of argument. None of them could work out whether it was a good thing him not putting up much arguement ; either he was heeding everyones advice of taking care of himself - or he had just given up. Harrison, as much as he didn’t want to, was favouring the latter. 

“Okay” Nikki declared optimistically “So maybe you and Harrison go up so you can say good night to Y/n, then we can all go and pick up the baby?” She opened the plan to the floor, allowing for input but got nothing - except maybe Tom’s jaw unconsciously tensing uncomfortable at the latter part of her statement. Dom noticed. 

Not one noticed but knew what it meant. His son blamed his granddaughter. His son, right now in that moment, hated the unnamed and totally helpless baby girl. 

part 4?

[hobbitkiller]

She-Ra, Supergirl, and Tangled: A Tale of Three Female Relationships: Part 2

*SPOILER WARNING FOR SHE-RA, SUPERGIRL, AND TANGLED: THE SERIES*

For those of you just tuning in, I’m taking a deep dive into 3 female relationships in 3 of my favorite tv shows that all turned into toxic messes at some point. The point of this series of posts is to exam these relationships, where things went wrong, whether there’s a chance for redemption, and what conclusions, if any, we can draw from these relationships about media’s representation of female characters and female relationships.

Oh, and shipping, ‘cause this is tumblr after all...

So, in Part 1 I gave a summary of the female relationships in question in these three shows (Adora and Catra, Kara and Lena, Rapunzel and Cassandra). I also summarized how these relationships began and when they started to go wrong. If you already know that stuff because you love these shows too, you don’t necessarily have to go back and read it, but doing so is always encouraged.

In this installment, I will be exploring 3 themes related to the festering resentment within these relationships: Mother Knows Best, Chosen Ones, and Itty Bitty Boxes. Follow the jump to get started!

PART III: MOTHER KNOWS BEST

I’ve heard a few people claim that Mother Gothel is not a top tier Disney villain. She doesn’t have the following that characters like Scar or Maleficent have. However, at the same time, I’ve heard many people saying something along the lines of “This is my mother.” There’s something uncomfortably familiar about Mother Gothel in Tangled. I recognized the same putdowns and microaggressions that I used to get from my stepmom in Gothel’s targeted jabs at Rapunzel’s confidence throughout the movie...all done with a smile and “It’s for your own good” attitude.

A lot of media focuses on the relationship between fathers and sons. Mothers in Disney have historically been silent or dead. (Except Perdita. That bitch was awesome). 

This, of course, makes it interesting that 5/6 of these characters have verbally (and in some cases physically) abusive, manipulative mother figures. And for Adora and Catra and Rapunzel and Cassandra, that mother figure is the same.

Here are our three abusive mothers:

Shadow Weaver who raised Adora and Catra:

Lillian Luthor who is Lena Luthor’s adoptive mother (and played by the absolute joy to watch that is Brenda Strong):

And, of course, Mother Gothel who kidnapped and raised Rapunzel for most of her life and is the SPOILER biological mother of Cassandra:

There are, of course, good mothers sprinkled in. Rapunzel’s biological mother, Queen Arianna is great once she actually gets lines in the TV show. Lena’s birth mother was also, by all accounts, a very kind and loving person. Kara has two moms, and while both have flaws, both are inherently good people (particularly Eliza Danvers, her adoptive mother).

However, in spite of the presence of some positive examples of motherhood, the relationships between all three of these pairs is heavily influenced by the three narcissistic women above.

All three of these women are dishonest, withhold affection only to give it away as a special treat, and actively manipulate their children. Yet, at the same time, the children can’t help but seek approval. Adora and Catra both feared and desperately sought approval and affection from Shadow Weaver. Lena tries to cut ties with her family, but keeps being drawn back in when Lillian admits pride at her accomplishments or that she does, in fact, care about her. Rapunzel sought affection from Gothel growing up because she was her one human contact, and, when Cassandra learned the truth of who her mother was, Cassandra desperately wanted some validation that the mother who abandoned her loved her on some level.

These mother/daughter relationships scarred 5/6 of our characters (Kara has her own hangups about her mother, but not on the deeply psychologically scarred level as the other five.) 

Adora is mockingly called paranoid by Shadow Weaver for understandably thinking the woman who lied to and manipulated her her entire life was up to something. Catra pushes everyone in her life away emotionally for fear of being hurt (only to create a self-fulfilling prophecy when they leave due to her behavior). Lena is constantly scared of being “betrayed” and manipulated. When she’s hurt by Supergirl asking Lena’s boyfriend to snoop on her, she says it was “something my mother would do.” When she and Kara first became friends, Lena was reluctant to do so because of the trust issues from her family (Lex Luthor is obviously also a manipulative, abusive jerk). Even Rapunzel, the embodiment of sunshine, has lingering trust issues. In the Season Three episode “Beginnings” she explains to Eugene that one of the reasons she likes Cassandra is because Rapunzel spent 18 years with someone who lied to her, whereas Cassandra was forthright and said what she was thinking.

Cassandra’s mother issues are a little more complicated. When she was four, Gothel abandoned her in order to kidnap Rapunzel and Cass was adopted by the captain of the guard. Cassandra has deeply repressed this memory by the time we meet her when she’s 22/23. Then, she’s given a glimpse of what life was like with Gothel:

Early in the series, Cass talks about how her father instilled in her the value of “earning my keep.” It’s clear here, though, that love as a transactional relationship had been instilled in Cassandra early in life: “And when it (love/affection) came, it came with strings.” 

This transactional view of relationships is something shared by all 5 members of our “bad moms” squad on at least some level. Adora constantly feels the need to fix things and be useful to her friends. Catra thinks if she just wins enough or is good enough, maybe Shadow Weaver will finally love her. Lena’s approach to relationships largely revolves around buying things for them and trying to unilaterally solve their problems for them without their input. Rapunzel has to go through an entire episode to learn that you can’t buy friendship through doing nice things, and that she doesn’t have to. Cass ties her self-worth deeply to her usefulness to others. They all struggle to find internal validation at times.

The other way mothers play a part in the downfalls of these relationships is the element of competitiveness. This is an issue with Adora and Catra and Rapunzel and Cassandra. As previously stated, both of these couples share a mother figure. And, in both of these couples, there is a deep resentment on the part of the non-golden haired child toward the other. Shadow Weaver did not hide that Adora was her favorite. She frequently praised Adora while berating and abusing Catra even when both had done equally well. Even when Adora abandoned Shadow Weaver and Catra for the rebellion, SW was more concerned with getting Adora back than appreciating the loyalty and accomplishments of Catra. 

Mother Gothel literally gave up Cassandra to take Rapunzel.

Both Catra and Cassandra feel completely overshadowed by the blonde in their lives, and part of them can’t help but think that, if only Adora or Rapunzel were out of the way, or had never existed, maybe they would have been chosen as the favored one.

This, of course, brings us to our next topic:

PART IV: CHOSEN ONES

I’ve never been a big fan of Ron Weasley. I didn’t read the Harry Potter books until I was in my twenties (yes, compared to many of my readers, I’m old), and I think this lead to me being less charmed by his humor or bullying of Hermione than I otherwise might have been. I found his temper aggravating and he is just...the worst...in the sixth book. Like, he purposely starts dating someone to punish Hermione who had already asked him to Slughorn’s party because Ginny pointed out that Hermione had probably kissed the guy she was dating TWO YEARS AGO. No, seriously, read that book again. That’s what happened. Then the seventh book happens and it turns out Dumbledore KNEW Ron was going to ditch the team at some point...

That being said, as I sat down to write this novel-length meta, I found myself thinking about what it’s like to be the support team for the “chosen one.” In the seventh book, Ron could have stayed at home with his pureblood family. He would still be in some danger due to their involvement with the Order of the Phoenix, but it would have been a lot safer than traveling around with “Undesirable No 1.″ Yet, because he loves Harry, he chooses to go on this mission. 

In the three pieces of media we’re discussing, 2/3 have literal chosen ones--characters with specific destinies of supernatural origin: Adora and Rapunzel. Kara also largely fits into the trope as someone sent to earth from afar to “save us.” As I somewhat jokingly said in the first part, all three of these pieces of media feature a blond super-powered person who needs to save the world.

Can you imagine what it would be like to be the best friend or “sister” of the person who’s “burdened with glorious purpose”?

On the one hand, it’s constant fear over that person’s safety and wellbeing. On the other, there’s a bit that can’t help but feel resentful. Imagine having a friend that overshadows every accomplishment you’ve ever had seemingly by virtue of just who they are.

Now, of course we know that it’s no easy road being a chosen one. There’s a lot you have to sacrifice, and it usually involves injury, near death, and a boatload of trauma. And the support teams know this. For some, it’s never an issue. But for others...

In She-Ra and the Princesses of Power, Adora, to Catra, always had the presence in her life of a chosen one, even before she got the sword and became She-Ra. Shadow Weaver had sensed something powerful about Adora when she was a baby, and thus treated her as the “Golden Child” to Catra’s “Scapegoat.” 

This idea of the “Golden Child (GC)” versus the “Scapegoat (SG)” rolls a bit into this issue with “chosen ones.” In toxic, narcissistic families, parents often hold up one child as the great one while the other is the one to blame for their problems. Think Olga and Helga in Hey Arnold! (Is that reference too dated for some of you guys? Man, I’m old. Also, I remember finally being old enough to realize Helga’s mom was an alcoholic and it blew my mind.) This also usually entails encouraging a level of competitiveness between the siblings.

In some ways, it’s like a “chosen one” is the whole world’s golden child. Anyone who researches this dynamic knows it’s abusive to both the GC and the SG, which is clearly displayed in She-Ra when Adora is stressed by the pressure of expectations and the knowledge that her mistakes will most likely be taken out on Catra. That doesn’t change the fact that Catra resents the positive attention (the adoration if you will) Adora gets--that, no matter what Catra achieves, it will be nothing compared to Adora.  This resentment is a big part of what fuels the escalation of their personal conflict leading to one of the saddest pieces of animation since Fry’s dog died sad and alone on Futurama. In the Season 1 episode “Promise.” (This is, by far, the best episode of the series), Catra airs all of her feelings she’d been repressing about what it felt like living in Adora’s shadow--how it made her feel like a “side kick,” something Adora never consciously tried to do and is shocked to discover.

Cassandra on Tangled:The Series has similar feelings about her role in Rapunzel’s life. Not only is her best friend the one with the magic hair and great destiny, but she is also her boss and monarch. Aside from the two songs I included in my last post, “Waiting in the Wings” and “Crossing the Line,” this conflict is best demonstrated early in Season One in the episode “Challenge of the Brave.”

Cass didn’t suffer abuse in quite the same way Catra did (though Gothel was the worst mom for her first 4 years), but she does feel disrespected and overshadowed by Rapunzel even before learning about Gothel. In “Crossing the Line”--a song many likened to “Let it Go” when they first heard it, Cassandra lays out these feelings further:

There’s a line between the winners and the losers.

There’s a line between the chosen and the rest.

And I’ve done the best I could,

but i’ve always known just where we stood.

Me here with the luckless.

You there with the blessed.

Now, when this song first came out, there were negative reactions from some fans. How could Cassandra call someone who had been kidnapped and locked in a tower with the neglectful and verbally abusive Gothel for 18 years “blessed”? But, from Cassandra’s perspective, Rapunzel still gets everything, power, respect, etc., purely because she was born a princess while Cass has worked incredibly hard her entire life to achieve one goal, becoming a guard, and is constantly denied.

With Lena and Kara in Supergirl, the resentment, again, is mostly between Lena and Supergirl for most of their relationship. Multiple times during the show’s run, Lena has expressed concern about human’s relative helplessness in the face of aliens like Supergirl who have power. This is why Lena sees some of her shadier actions such as making Kryptonite or trying to give humans super powers as justified. She doesn’t go to the extreme levels of hatred that her brother Lex does, but that distrust in those who are naturally more powerful runs throughout the family as does the resentment that aliens have seemingly usurped the leadership role among humanity that should have belonged to the Luthors.

What makes this interesting is that, in most of her relationships, Lena, as a billionaire, is the more privileged and powerful one. This is really best demonstrated in her relationship with James Olsen, whom she orders around as his boss while buying him expensive gifts and going behind his back to fix his legal problems. And for much of their relationship, this is how Lena sees her relationship with Kara. It’s not a manipulative or cruel thing. Lena just sees Kara as her adorkable reporter friend who is hapless in the face of danger.

Then, all of these preconceived notions come crashing down when Lena learns that Kara is Supergirl. Suddenly, she learns that her hapless friend was actually playing her the whole time--that she was stringing Lena along and pretending to be only human. 

Lena’s resentment may not be as explicit in this case as Catra’s or Cassandra’s, but it is layered within all of the emotions Lena Luthor is pretending not to have.

This, of course, leads us to our final subject for today.

PART V: “ITTY BITTY BOXES”

I’ve mentioned a few times throughout this novel-length meta the word “repressed.” Catra, Lena, and Cassandra are not good at expressing their emotions in a healthy manner. Much of this can be blamed on the aforementioned mother figures and the trust and intimacy issues that having narcissistic, abusive parents can lead to. 

Narcissistic parents often place the burden of maintaining the emotional wellbeing of the family on the children. It is your job as the child to make sure they don’t get upset. It is you who has to keep the cool head and maintain the facade of positivity. Parents like Shadow Weaver, Lillian Luther, and Mother Gothel do not see it as their responsibility to help their children regulate emotion or address it. To them, “negative emotions” are character flaws.

Of course, anyone who’s watched Inside Out knows that emotions aren’t inherently good or bad and feeling, addressing, and understanding them are vital to good mental health.

Too bad Inside Out wasn’t there for Catra, Lena, or Cassandra growing up.

Instead, each of these characters has learned to bottle up and hide emotions like sadness, fear, hurt, and true, deep anger. Lena even outlines her approach to such feelings when helping Brainy, an alien who is basically like an organic computer, solve a problem:

I was not the only person that was reminded of this gem after that scene:

Putting emotions away in an imaginary box is a real technique for keeping yourself from becoming overwhelmed in a situation where you need to focus. However, “forgetting the box existed” is not the appropriate use of the boxes. They need to be opened, and the feelings addressed. 

Catra is interesting, because in some ways she’s very vocal about her frustration and anger. Yet, that surface level frustration manifests in yelling at her friends and subordinates over their job performance or just being a general jerk. It’s not an expression of her true, deep feelings. Catra doesn’t let anyone see the deep levels of hurt she feels when Shadow Weaver manipulates her to join Adora. Instead, she just almost destroys the world...as you do. Season 4 in particular features a Catra who is more mean to her friends than ever before, yet she is still repressing so much of her true feelings to the point of mental and emotional collapse.

Cassandra also struggles to express her feelings, particularly to Rapunzel. Part of it might be because Rapunzel is her princess, and it’s not Cassandra’s place, but it’s also something she struggles with in general:

The above line occurs in an episode where Rapunzel knows Cassandra is mad at her and keeps pushing her to share her feelings. As we can see, Cass is not a big fan of that. Even though they talk at the end of the episode, it’s clear that there are still some hurt feelings on Cassandra’s side that she doesn’t express until she has electric blue hair and is singing a rock ballad about “Crossing the Line.” This is also fascinating because, as previously stated, one of the reasons Rapunzel likes Cassandra is her honesty. But, like with Catra, Cassandra can be honest about surface level annoyances, but intensely represses anything deeper.

All three of these characters let their emotions fester until they become deadly infections that poison their relationships, not just with their best friends, but with everyone. Many of these relationships could have been diverted from their dark paths if there had been more honest and open communication both between the characters and internally. If Lena acknowledged the real reasons why she was hurt when learning Kara was Supergirl, if Catra had been honest about feeling overshadowed and pitied by Adora, if Cassandra had expressed the pain she was feeling in her relationship with Rapunzel, things could have been different. Instead, those feelings have turned toxic.

NEXT TIME IN THE NEVER-ENDING ANALYSIS:

Blond Bulldozers 

I Don’t Care (I ship it)

Just going to do 2, because 3 subjects were a bit much.

Hope to see you there.

[grimweaver]

((I’m taking a break now, for how long I don’t know just yet. I really need to spend more time with the family (immediate household only, of course, thank you very much stupid COVID and stupid people) and work on other projects I’ve put on hold for far too long. Not saying I won’t write (that’s absurd!), just saying don’t expect something every 1-2 weeks for a while. Hope you enjoy this chapter, in which is THEE scene I believe a lot of you are anxious for, that I aimed to treat with the considerable amount of respect I believe it deserves, what I think is lacking too often in romantic stories.))

                                                            ~*~

           It was a massive relief for all of us to be in the Cheydinhal Sanctuary again. Any Sanctuary is fine enough, but there was truly nothing like our own, because it was the only place we could truly be ourselves and talk about anything. Because we had to hold so much in for twelve days, we were all endlessly chatty and high-spirited. A lot of us unloaded what had been on our chests since the first day of our quest for Dragonfury. There were some things said about Farwil that got under my skin a bit, but I just shrugged it off. I had no wish to spoil the evening by starting an argument. A lot of them got drunk and started horsing around, belting out some nonsensical jingles way off-key, and engaging in some games that were as utterly stupid as they were fun.

           But once the Speaker entered, dressed in his traditional Black Hand robe again, all activities and sounds in the room came to an abrupt halt. All bodies and heads turned, and those who were sitting shot out of their seats and acknowledged him with nothing short of utmost respect.

           “Good evening, Dear Brothers and Sisters,” Lucien said.

           “Good evening, Speaker!” we all replied— it came out long and slurred from some of the more heavily intoxicated folks.

           By this time I knew that Lucien was rather put off by drunkenness, but his only expression of disapproval of it was a shake of his head and a hard eye roll, inclined to just let the Family have a well-deserved first-half victory celebration. “I hope at least one of you is not drunk beyond retention.”

           Telaendril almost fell over the table as she shot up from the bench, wobbling back and forth as she waved one hand in the air. “Iz’aright, Thpeaker! We’re not asth thinth asth you drunk I am!!” She called out with a snorty giggle, then she plopped back down on the bench so hard that I feared she had busted her tailbone.

           “Uh huh,” Lucien groaned.

           “Don’t worry, Speaker,” Ocheeva replied. “Vicente and I... our mental facilities have not been compromised. We will be sure to go over everything with the rest tomorrow morning— no one will leave this Sanctuary uninformed.”

           “My mind is fit for input as well, Dear Speaker,” I chimed in. Even that night, I was determined to limit the alcoholic intake to a moderate buzzing amount, as the memory of what happened in Bravil a ways back still haunted and discouraged overconsumption.

           “I’m very pleased to hear that,” Lucien replied, then lifted a portion of his robe’s skirt to pull out a sealed envelope from an inner pouch and held it up high enough for everyone to see. “I have in my hands three very important announcements, but I believe it’d be best that we begin with the travel plans first.” He brought the envelope back down and clutched it in a protective manner, as he took a deep breath before proceeding.

           “We will meet outside the East Gate of Cheydinhal at 6:00 am. Just as before, you’ll NOT don upon yourselves or possess any weapon that would surely announce your allegiance to the Dark Brotherhood.

           “Don’t forget that we are going to be traveling on foot, as the conditions on the paths we’re taking are not appropriate for travel by horse, so bring no more than what you can carry on your own; limit what is packed to what is essential for survival, battle, and personal hygiene. We should be able to rent a guar-drawn cart for the return trip, but do not make any plans to collect a bulk of souvenirs until we have a confirmed reservation for one.”

           The notes that the Speaker had given us had informed us of this already; no difficulty there, I was trained to be a minimalist when I joined the cadets at the age of twelve! After the usual repair-and-replenish rounds in town, I went straight away to packing most of what I needed to bring in a duffel bag, leaving out only what had to be kept out for overnight use. All that was left to do was to make sure I slept well for what was to be a long and arduous walk.

           Lucien continued, pointing to the map that was pinned to the wall behind him. “We’ll enter the underground passage that goes straight through the Valas Mountains—the Fungal Grotto, to be more specific—and enter the west side of Stonefalls. We’ll then follow the roads that take us to Ebonheart, where we will meet with Ulrani to bring him up to date and discuss the next phase of business. It is also our place of rest, for all the reasons that the ever impetuous but knowledgeable young Indarys had pointed out to us. A Black Hand courier was sent out tonight to book rooms for us at the Ebony Flask.”

           “Parddon, Speaker— whad about de Brodders and Seesters of de Leyawiin Sanctuary? Weell dey nad be joining us?” M’raaj-Dar asked.

           “That’s a very good question, Brother. The answer to that, in fact, is one of the announcements I hold in my hands. I’ll read it now.” As he lifted the seal flap with a thumb and pulled out a letter from the envelope, I saw the corners of his mouth twitching upwards— a subtle indication that there was a massive thrill within that was too great for even him to contain very well. “Not just one, but three Sanctuaries will be joining us in Vvardenfell—Dawnstar, Falkreath, and Skingrad. We’ll be expected to meet with them in the town of Suran on the 22nd. Combined with the numbers from the other Sanctuaries, we should have a total of forty-five against Druin and all of the other remnants under his command.”

           “What about Leyawiin, Speaker? Didn’t they promise they would help?” Antoinetta asked.

           “Unfortunately, they are no longer available to assist us,” Lucien answered. “Moving on...“

           “Why??” Teinaava blasted as he pounded his fists on the table. He was fairly pickled, yet he had enough presence of mind to attentively listen to and understand every word. “Even the Listener said that they would!”

           “There is a very good reason, Teinaava, and that is all I’m at liberty to say.” Lucien kept his tone fairly level despite his obvious irritation, only looking up from the letter to scold Teinaava with a fiery glare. Teinaava, despite his condition, seemed to read and understand the message in it perfectly well and refrained from saying anything more about it.

((CONTINUED))

[t0ngue-tech]

All Yours | Seven

“’Was I not enough for you…?’

Seolhyun parted her lips but hesitated to say anything. She also dropped her head, possibly trying to get everything in her mind organized.

‘Yoongi, I’m so sorry.’ She said sadly.”

↠fluff, angst, universityAU↞

word count: 4.5k

↠series: 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | ↞

A/N: yall idk what’s gotten into me. i literally just uploaded a story and here i am with the update of all yours lmao. tbh ive also been working on this chapter for a while so tyj i finished it huhu. enjoy ^-^

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“Come on, Yoongi. Just text her.” You stood in front of your mirror and adjusted your hoodie.

From the moment you woke up, had a cup of coffee, took a shower, and changed into an outfit, Yoongi spent the entire time debating if he really wanted to text Seolhyun. You agreed to go with him to see her because it was his stipulation, but he was the one hesitating.

“You know what, maybe I don’t need closure. It’s all good.” Yoongi placed his phone on your nightstand and laid back down.

“Ugh. Yoongs.” You grumbled and strode over to sit beside him. “Sure you may not need closure, but I know deep down you want to talk about your feelings. You don’t deserve to be cheated on—nobody does. Please text her.”

Yoongi glared at you for a few seconds before he softened his eyes. He mumbled something along the lines of I hate it when you’re right and reached for his phone but took a detour to grab your hand first.

“So, you promise you’re going to come with me? You’re not going to flake out?” He kept his eyes on your fingers as you lazily grazed the back of his hand.

Could he get any more adorable?

“I promise.” You replied earnestly. “But I start work at three today, so keep that in mind.”

Yoongi squeezed your hand and locked eyes with you. Never in your life did you ever picture yourself to be in this position. He held your hands before, mainly to guide you around places when you were extremely drunk but nothing like this. Yoongi had a sweet look in his eye with a smile to match and you were so sure you were dreaming. Yoongi was perfect. Why would Seolhyun want to cheat on him in the first place?

“Okay. Now, go to class.” Yoongi lifted your hand and kissed it. Your cheeks flared a bit and you probably failed to hide the disappointment in him not kissing you on your lips instead.

“Fine. But go outside and take a walk,” you gave him your dorm key. “You need some sunlight.”

After listening to Yoongi’s bullshit excuse about how sunlight was never necessary for him in the first place, you left his side to slip on your sneakers.

Why can’t time just fast forward to later? I just want Yoongi and Seolhyun to meet already so it can all be over with and done. How am I supposed to even focus in class?!

“Wait.”

Yoongi’s voice broke your thoughts and you stood up from your floor. He scooped you by your waist to press your body against his before stealing a long kiss on your lips. You felt your entire body relax and you clutched onto his nape to support yourself.

“You may have more knowledge about people’s behaviors and shit, but I know you well enough that you were waiting for that, right?” Yoongi said with a smirk after breaking the kiss. Your face bloomed crimson and you playfully shoved him a few inches away from you.

“Bye, Yoongi.” You walked away from him with bliss coursing through you and just before you stepped out of your dorm, you caught the satisfied grin on Yoongi’s face.

↠↞

I will die in this developmental psychology class, I swear.

Time in your psychology class always ticked on like you had nothing else planned for the day. You jotted down chicken scratch notes, promising yourself to fix them up when you had time later; thank goodness your professor put up the lecture slides at 7pm on the same day of class. You began to mindlessly doodle at the bottom of your paper.

So many things could go wrong later.

Three stick figures were drawn at the bottom; one with a crude drawing of a beanie, one with hair just below its “shoulders”, and one with long hair blacked out with your pen. You drew scribbles of symbols around the drawing of the figure with long hair indicating how pissed off Seolhyun would be if she saw you two together.

Ugh. I can hear her voice now.

“Why did you bring her?”

“Unless you were cheating on me first!”

You scribbled all over the drawing and turned over the page.

The same stick figures were drawn at the top this time and instead of symbols, you drew tears coming from the figure with long hair and hearts around the beanie figure; Seolhyun would be in tears, apologizing and begging Yoongi for forgiveness and he would play right into her and fall in love all over again.

This time, you fiercely scribbled over the drawing.

Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope.

Like clockwork, you drew the stick figures. Hearts were drawn around the beanie and medium haired figures while the last one had a giant X covering its face; Seolhyun is completely cut out of the picture and forced to watch how lovey-dovey you and Yoongi were.

This drawing caused your face to heat up a little. There was no way Yoongi would show any affection towards you in front of her because he wasn’t the type to purposely make matters worse.

One last time the figures were drawn back onto your paper and this time, you drew speech bubbles with squiggly lines inside that ended with periods and a few exclamation points. The most likely scenario would be a calm conversation with a few outbursts between Yoongi and Seolhyun. The last thing anyone would want is making a huge scene in front of everyone—

Wait, I don’t even know where they’re meeting!

[10:32] You: hey, where are you two going to have this conversation anyway??????????

Yoongi’s reply came through like lightning.

[10:33] Yoongz: You know the benches outside of the library?

[10:33] Yoongz: There.

Great. We’re going to be in public…

His texts didn’t stop there.

[10:35] Yoongz: I told her to meet me at 11:15 so that you have time to be here before she comes.

[10:35] Yoongz: I’ll be wearing the light brown coat you gave me for my birthday and the blue beanie you hate so much

[10:36] Yoongz: You’ll be able to find me pretty easily.

That damn beanie.

The mental image of Yoongi in the blue beanie made you snicker, but you quickly cleared your throat realizing you were in class laughing to yourself like an idiot.

[10:40] You: okay. i’ll see you then

[10:40] You: fuk that beanie doe omfg.

↠↞

“So you’re seriously going to be there? With Yoongi and Seolhyun? Possibly arguing in front of you? Right in front of your salad?!”

Walking to the library, you gave Hani a quick call to update her with everything that had happened since you told her about Seolhyun cheating on Yoongi.

“Yes, right in front of my salad.” You laughed. “To be honest, I’m kind of scared. Like why did Yoongi have to say he kissed me! Actually… I don’t know what would be worse, her knowing the truth or his lie.”

“Either way she’s going to raise hell, but if you need me, you call and I’ll come running!”

You smiled softly. Hani was serious in the most endearing way possible.

“I know—” Yoongi’s blue beanie stood out at a table underneath one of the large trees. “Yoongi’s there. I’ll call you later Hani or better yet, I work at three so you can come to the coffee shop anytime after that and I’ll update you on what happens.”

“Okay. Be safe. I love you!”

“I love you, too.”

You took a deep breath and approached Yoongi who had two cups of coffee and two sandwiches sitting in front of him. As much as you hated that damn beanie, he still looked as handsome as ever.

“Hi, Yoongs.” You smiled.

Yoongi instantly smiled at the sight of you. “Hey—no, sit by me.” He reached for your hand to stop you from sitting across from him and tugged you over to sit beside him instead.

The action startled you and almost made you lose your footing, but Yoongi supported you by the waist to let you sit down without injury.

“Th-Thanks.” You stuttered.

“Oh, here you go by the way.” He handed you a paper gift bag that he probably stole from your closet. “You left your work shirt and shoes. There’s also a water bottle in here because you need actual hydration and not just coffee swimming throughout your bloodstream.”

Everything he mentioned was sitting neatly inside the bag and your smile was impossible to hide. You’ve been nervous and jittery about meeting with Seolhyun that you completely forgot about your work clothes. Yoongi was a life saver.

“Thank you, Yoongi.” You breathed.

“Of course. Now eat, you didn’t even have breakfast this morning.”

As you had brunch, you spent the time complaining to Yoongi about how developmental psychology makes you want to jab multiple pens in your eyes. He argued that you say that about every class you have and even flicked your forehead.

“You’re doing great though, so keep on keepin’ on.” Yoongi rubbed the spot he flicked with the pad of his thumb.

You felt the weight of your school work elevate at the touch of his finger. Yoongi had the power to relieve any stress that you had in the palm of his hand and it amazed you. Maybe this was just the effect of you being whipped for him for almost a year. It sounded pathetic, but you enjoyed it nonetheless.

“A-hem.”

Both you and Yoongi tore your eyes away from each other to find Seolhyun standing at the opposite side of the table with her arms folded across her chest. Her eyebrows were furrowed and daggers shot from her eyes right into your own. The aura that came off of her was no less than intimidating and you felt as if your soul left your body.

Fuck.

↠↞

“What is she doing here?!” Seolhyun barked as she took a seat.

“I asked her to come so just leave her be.” Yoongi spat.

You silently observed Seolhyun’s outfit; she wore a casual black dress that stopped above mid-thigh and had a deep v-neck line. A cream cardigan hugged her frame and she even made time to put on makeup and curl your hair. If your suspicions were correct, she dressed that way on purpose to use her looks to win back Yoongi somehow. Seolhyun was honestly gorgeous which made you nervous. What if it reeled him back in? 

She cleared her throat again and avoided eye contact with Yoongi. “Thank you for meeting with me.” Her voice grew softer and softer towards the end of her sentence and she fiddled with the ends of her hair. This gave off a vulnerable look, almost “cute”. 

“Okay.” Yoongi said sharply.

The tension in the air was suffocating and all you wanted to do was run away, but Yoongi kept his hand on your knee underneath the table to keep you at bay.

“So? Anything else you need to say?” Yoongi kept the same tone of voice, annoyed. He truly didn’t want to be here.

“Sigh. I’m sorry okay? God, can we just talk without you being mad at me?!” Seolhyun raised her voice a bit.

“Of course I’m mad! How the hell am I supposed to be feeling? You cheated on me!” Yoongi raised his voice as well and you were even more nervous. You three were sitting in public with students walking by and you were praying to God that everyone was just minding their own business.

“Y-You cheated on me too! You—!” She pointed at him. “—kissed her!” Her finger was now on you.

Yoongi furrowed his brows and squeezed your knee. “Alright, fine. I kissed her once and like I said, I knew I had to tell you because I was feeling so fucking guilty about what I did. You were my girlfriend, Seolhyun! I had to be honest with you.”

Seolhyun tightly pursed her lips together, probably stopping herself from saying anything else.

“How…” Yoongi breathed. “How long have you been…”

Your eyes softened at the sight of Yoongi faltering. He didn’t want to say it. You reached beneath the table to hold that had that was on top of your knee. Instantly, you watched his shoulders relax.

“Um…” Seolhyun chewed on her bottom lip and picked at the skin around her nails. “Just-Just once..”

Bullshit.

“Don’t you think Yoongi deserves a lot more honesty that?” You boldly questioned. Talking was never part of your agenda, but it’s true, he deserved to know the truth after tearing himself apart from agonizing over his self-worth.

“Excuse me?” Seolhyun stared you down and you couldn’t back down no matter how much you wanted to.

“I–I don’t think you’re telling him the truth.” You tried to sound confident, but your stutter gave it away.

Seolhyun scoffed and crossed her arms. “Who do you think you—”

“She’s right. I don’t think you’re telling me the truth either.” Yoongi interjected. “For Seung Ho to talk to y/n about our situation kind of shows how close you two really are.”

“My thoughts exactly.” You said softly.

Seolhyun aggressively scratched the back of her head. “Ugh. Two months!” She blurted out. “Two-fucking-months! There’s the truth! Happy now?”

Your eyes widened then turned to Yoongi who was looking in Seolhyun’s direction with an empty expression. After remaining quiet for about a minute, a low chuckle pushed past his lips.

“Is that why we’ve been fighting so much lately?” There were hints of both sadness and anger in his tone. “This was why you’ve been so short with me? You would cut our dates short—it was because you would rendezvous with Seung Ho?”

“Y-Yoongi.” You whispered and gently rubbed the back of his hand, trying to calm him down.

“Do you know what the fuck I’ve been going through because of this?! I continuously questioned what I was doing wrong—was I not making you happy anymore? Did I do something to piss you off? Was I not buying you enough flowers on the weekends? Altering my class schedule to match yours wasn’t enough? Skipping class to spend time with you? I talked my friends’ ears off trying to figure out why I didn’t seem important in your eyes anymore…” Yoongi kept his head down and squeezed your hand to the point where his nails could draw blood from your skin. “Was I not enough for you…?”

Seolhyun parted her lips but hesitated to say anything. She also dropped her head, possibly trying to get everything in her mind organized.

“Yoongi, I’m so sorry.” She said sadly.

For the first time in a while, she sounded genuine.

“You were enough for me, but I—I guess… I guess I was being selfish and I wanted more.” Seolhyun lifted her eyes in search of Yoongi’s but he still kept his head down.

“You could’ve told me.” Yoongi choked out. “You could’ve talked to me about how you were feeling and maybe—maybe things could’ve worked out.”

It was your turn to lower your head. This was truly an issue between Yoongi and Seolhyun. There was no reason for you to inject yourself into the conversation anymore.

“Is there any way we could work past this?” Seolhyun asked.

Yoongi finally met her eyes. “No. No way in hell.”

He fumbled with your hand to let go and reached into his pocket to pull out his keyring and wallet. He detached Seolhyun’s dorm key and pulled out a polaroid photo of her from inside his wallet. “Here. I don’t need these anymore.”

Yoongi reached back underneath the table in search of your hand and you stealthy met him halfway.

“Please. Just go, Seolhyun. We’re done here.” Yoongi said firmly.

Seolhyun sat there for a couple seconds and then reached forward to retrieve her belongings. As she stood up from the table, she kept her eyes on Yoongi hoping he would say something else, but he remained silent. Shortly after, Seolhyun took her leave without Yoongi sparing her a single glance.

↠↞

Even with the hustle and bustle of students walking all over campus, the world had never been so quiet. Yoongi had his head down, face buried in the crook of his elbow while still holding onto your hand. You weren’t sure when was the best time to speak, so you kept quiet waiting for him to break the silence first.

It almost physically hurt staring at Yoongi. He had been bottling up so many painful emotions to the point where it almost consumed him. He didn’t deserve to go through this.

“Y/n?” Yoongi finally spoke, but the rest of his sentence was muffled behind his coat sleeve.

“I-I’m sorry, Yoongi. I can’t really hear you.”

“Thank you for coming with me.” He turned his head and made heavy eye contact with you. “Saying all those things… I don’t think I would've been able to do it on my own, but you being here gave me strength to do so.”

His words caused a noticeable blush to form on your cheeks. He chuckled and sat up straight to tuck a few of your hairs behind your ears.

“I think you have enough time left to get to your next class from here. I’ll walk you.” Yoongi lifted you up by your arm and you almost didn’t want to go to class. All you wanted was to sit around and hold his hand all day. The thought of that made you blush even more and this made Yoongi laugh a little harder. “What’s the matter with you? Come on.”

Unfortunately, Yoongi didn’t hold your hand when he walked you to class. This was probably because it felt too soon to do so in public. It’s not like he and Seolhyun were the campus couple, but people might get the wrong idea if they knew they were dating.

After the whole thing with Yoongi and Seolhyun, it made it even harder for you to concentrate. Now that they were broken up, who knows if Yoongi still had anymore underlying feelings for her. They were together for a year, so there had to be some leftover right? Plus, Yoongi made a comment the other night about how he thought about why you kissed him and that he “figured it out.” This meant a whole new conversation, a whole new reason to be nervous.

Fucking great.

This was a conversation you weren’t looking forward to. You needed to prepare yourself somehow, but it seemed like no matter how much you could mentally prepare yourself, you still wouldn’t be ready. After knowing Yoongi for roughly a little over two years and falling for him like an idiot, never in your life did you imagine him finding out about how you felt about him.

You would be lying to yourself if you said you weren’t even a little happy. You kissed Yoongi, held his hand, and even shared a bed with him with your feelings unknowingly exposed in the air. It made you giddy; butterflies roaming around in your stomach, fighting the urge to smile whenever you thought about him. If only the circumstances were different, life would’ve been near perfect for you.

Class dragged on, notes were written down, doodles were drawn, and next thing you knew, you were tying your work apron around your waist.

“Where’s Yoongi? He didn’t walk you here?” Seokjin asked.

“Nah. His energy gauge was pretty much empty by the time he was done talking with Seolhyun so he decided to just nap for a few hours.”

“Okay, so, what’s the tea?” Seokjin stood near you, eagerly waiting for you to tell him all the juicy details.

You playfully shoved him away and walked over to the espresso machine. “I’m not saying anything until Hani gets here.”

“Aw, come on, y/n. She won’t be here till like five or something!”

You chuckled to yourself and continued to ignore all of Seokjin’s pleads for information.

The moment Hani walked through the coffee shop doors, the first words she shouted was “okay bitch, bring forth the tea!”—this was said with a shop full of students. You were immediately put on the spot, but Hani’s intentions meant well.

You made sure to include all details of the confrontation when you told Seokjin and Hani about it. You also made sure to keep your voice low because you weren’t sure who knew Seolhyun, Yoongi, or even Seung Ho. This wasn’t your story to tell, but both Hani and Seokjin were there from the beginning so it seemed fitting for them to know it all too.

Evening came just as quickly as your shift started. Hani didn’t mean to stay so late, but she got pretty invested in the situation between Seolhyun and Yoongi. Both you and Seokjin did his best to keep all of Hani’s reactions at bay, but you had to admit, it was entertaining. At least she was nice enough to help the coffee shop employees close up.

“Wouldn’t your knight in shining armor show up by now?” Hani joked. 

“You need to relax—oh, bye!” You chuckled and threatened her with a broomstick and waved two of your co-workers who were heading out.

“It’s true, y/n. He’s supposed to waltz in here and be like ‘my lady, I have arrived. Your chariot awaits.’” Seokjin pranced around the room and even bowed and took your hand in his.

“And by ‘chariot’, you mean his legs right? Because the dorms are within walking distance?” You laughed.

“Well, yes, b-but anyways let me finish,” Seokjin cleared his throat. “So your knight in shining armor swoops in—” he went from holding your hand to picking you up bridal style. “—picks you up and saves you from the dungeon aka the coffee shop! And then Yoongi says—”

“Seokjin, what in zakum’s name are you doing?”

At the mention of his name coming from behind him, Seokjin froze in his tracks and turned around to find Yoongi staring at him with a questionable look.

“I—uh—” Seokjin panicked, almost dropping you on the floor but he still managed to place you back on your feet. “Alrighty-roo, well, Hani—babe, shall we take our leave?”

All Hani could do was laugh until her stomach hurt and Seokjin dragged her out of the coffee shop by her hand; she laughed so much that she could barely properly say bye to you and Yoongi.

“Do I even want to know?” Yoongi asked hesitantly.

“No, you really don’t.”

Yoongi helped you flip up the chairs onto the table while you continued to sweep the floor. As you two cleaned up, you proceeded to tell him about your day and apologized for telling Seokjin and Hani what happened in the afternoon. He brushed it off because he also trusted them.

Unlike your busy day, Yoongi spent his entire day eating, sleeping, and watching netflix; he exaggerated that it was a packed schedule. He even mentioned that Seolhyun still tried to call and text him, but he ignored every single attempt.

“You know, I think she dressed up that way today to lure you back to her with her looks.” You confessed.

“Huh. You think so?” Yoongi walked behind the counter where you were wiping around the sink.

You shrugged your shoulders. “Yeah, I mean, it’s been pretty cold lately and she shows up in an outfit that could barely keep her warm. She curled her hair, put on makeup, like why is doing all of that necessary to meet up with you? It seems so—what?”

Yoongi was just staring at you with a smirk plastered on his face. “Were you worried that it was going to work?”

A blush bloomed on your cheeks. “N-No. I just think it was ridiculous, that���s all.”

He stepped closer and stood behind you, placing his hands on the metal countertop to cage you in between his arms.

“You know, you observe others pretty well but from my observations from knowing you, you kind of suck at lying.” Yoongi laughed and you forced a chuckle out. You weren’t going to even deny it.

From the counter, Yoongi lifted his hands to secure them around your waist, hugging you from behind. You made a few attempts to move around to clean the counter properly, but he remained.

“Yoongi, I have to clean.” You chuckled.

“Just—” He briefly let you go to spin you around so he could hug you from the front. “Five minutes. Let’s stay like this for five minutes, please.”

It was such a genuine request, how could you say no?

Yoongi was leaning into you with his face buried in the crook of your neck. You had your arms lazily slung around his shoulders and just listened to his faint breathing. The blonde tips of his hair tickled your nose a bit, so you gently slide your hand across his nape to brush down his hair. He hugged you tighter at your sudden action and sighed.

“You’re really going to touch me like that, y/n?” The teasing tone in his voice was enough to raise your temperature and cause a blush to appear on your cheeks.

“Y-Yoongi!” You tried to push him away, already feeling embarrassed, but he just continued to hold you.

“I’m kidding, I’m kidding.” Yoongi snickered. “It’s fine, keep touching my hair.”

You were still feeling embarrassed because that was the first time Yoongi used that tone of voice with you. Nonetheless, you listened and continued to stroke his hair. Thankfully he didn’t wear that awful beanie.

Yoongi didn’t say another word and every once in a while, he’d caress your back and readjust himself. Small sparks ignited at the simplest touch and for some reason you wanted to laugh. This was everything you wanted but it did confuse you as to how comfortable Yoongi was doing all of this to you. All you did was kiss him once and the next moment he’s acting as if you two were dating for years.

“Okay, I’m recharged. Continue your cleaning.” He emerged from your body and cupped your cheek. Even if you were the one embarrassed, Yoongi still had a hue of pink displayed at the tops of his cheeks.

For the next ten minutes, you swiftly cleaned up the stations and tossed out the garbage in the dumpster out back. Yoongi waited patiently and even gathered all of your things for you from the back room.

“So you’re opening tomorrow?” Yoongi asked whilst helping you adjust your hoodie.

“Sadly, yeah. So we can talk first then I’ll head straight to bed.”

“We can talk tomorrow, it’s fine. You need your rest.”

“B-But—”

Yoongi stole another kiss from you, probably to shut you up and it worked; it left you utterly speechless. You had to get used to this somehow.

“Tomorrow.” Yoongi whispered. “For now, let’s go home.”

Home?

There was no doubt that Yoongi was referring to your dorm as home since he stayed there the entire day. The idea of him considering your place as “home” gave you butterflies.

Home was a safe sanctuary. Home was a place where someone can easily unravel themselves to be at peace. Home was where the heart was and Yoongi was there with you.

“Yeah.” You blushed. “Let’s go home.”

-

-

-

♡ rae jagi

[leviathiane]

SHOW US YOUR WROR RAW UNPROCESSED WHOLE GRAIN ORGANIC NOTES

this is going to be a long-ass post i am so sorry to Everyone! i take a lot of notes.

So, as You specifically know (as well as all of my lovely Soggers) I take a LOT of notes. Obsessively. I write fucking everything bc i have very little memory and very much paranoia. This results in literal Piles of notes. Raw planning, on paper, on my phone– doodles of scenes im brainstorming, bulletpoints, entire SCRIPTS– it’s all there but scattered (I’ve got scenes planned in the margins of my goddamn anthropology notes and deciphering it was a NIGHTMARE) 

I won’t even upload all the photos of my writing notebook, because itd be like 50 pages of illegible nonesense. but heres a couple of planning phase pages. (may be hard to read, I dropped this notebook both into some tidepools, into a creek on campus, and accidentally leaked my waterbottle onto it in my backpack :/) 

if you can’t tell already, yes they all look exactly like this. Some are even more illegible, because I wrote them with the notebook half under my actual class notes. Because i wrote most of them in class. During lectures. And pretending very badly that i was not doing exactly that. (pay attention in class please i got away with this bc i was filling up elective units) 

I’m also flat out MISSING a large portion of my notes bc some of it? isnt even in the damn notebook. its on a sheet of binder paper, or on the empty back of an assignment. I’ve now lost most of those notes, but the ones i do still have are just as (even more, actually) indecipherable chicken scratch: 

Wow, how clean and tidy and easy to follow! i am in hell. 

and this doesnt mention the PAGES and PAGES of outlines that are on my laptop, and the pages of outlined scenes that are on the notes app of my phone. if i put them all, you would have entire chapter spoilers up to the very end of the story so i cant post a lot of them– and also theres just a goddamn lot of them. currently i have 16 pages of outlining. There are no spacing breaks. It is a solid 16 page block of text. Looking at it gives me a migraine. 

some assorted notes which i have dredged up from the deleted parts of the main draft google doc go all the way back to when i started Wror in June and they are Barely more readable than my handwriting on sheer account of: articulation is not my strength. These include: 

“Ch 8 plan: sabo gets trained specially, awakens his armament haki, beats ace in a bunch of spars and proves himself to be anything but vulnerable. The boys are like “we fucking recognize that technique ryu taught you before us!!” and goad ryu into finally starting them both on basic haki training, just to awaken it, since sabo already has. Also this is the chapter that ace finally confronts ryu for his devil fruit after ryu confirms that some devil fruit users can’t be hurt without haki and ace immediately catches onto that and tries to slam his pipe through ryus head. It doesn’t work, ryu catches the weapon with a haki covered hand, to avoid turning to flame with hit and ace just gets frustrated and accuses ryu of hiding his devil fruit, because he remembers what he saw in grey terminal and that now that he has seen haki he can distinguish it from what he saw and he’s sure no one could do what ryu did. He calls ryu a hypocrite for coddling them even after telling them to stop coddling sabo and ryu has to sit them down and explain that yes he does have powers and he has been hdiing it and explains his reasoning. However instead of understanding th eboys just get fired up and say they don’t wnt to be scared of fire, especially not when it means ryu isn’t taking them seriously in a spar. Ryu finally agrees to start them on desensitization training for fire trauma. Fire desensitization training happens on the beach, so that they have water nearby in case things get out of hand. At some point ace gives ryu a considering look and is just like “if you have a devil fruit that means you can’t swim either right?” and ryu is basically just like “lmao yeah” and then ace immediately attempts to drown him. Lots of murder attempts in ace’s department toget his older brother to be less of an idiot with little success lol(extra: ace tried to attack ryu earlier both to confirm that ryu has a devil fruit that would force him to use haki to hide it, and because he now knows that he CAN’T hurt ryu without haki and as thus can’t beat him and make him admit he’s awake without being good at haki.)” [chapter 8] 

“Small sabo lost his hat and goggles in the incident and while he doesn’t remember having them future sabo notices he looks uncomfortable and keeps touching his hair and head. Ace yells at him for it thinking he bandaging are bothering him and that he can’t touch them but little sabo just comments that something about it feels wrong. Luffy blurts our that he had a hat, like luffy does, But he doesn’t now ace begrudgingly mentions that they can’t get a new one in town. Future sabo doesn’t even hesitate and just plops his own hat onto his younger selves head. It clearly too big for him, and almost falls over his eyes but he grins up at future sabo and is like “wow!! Thank you! I’ll take care of it till I have one of my own” and creates a paradox like Luffys own hat. The footsteps younger sabo has yet to fill. This HAS to happen AFTER the talk where they explain that future and past sabo are both the same person, to give little sabo that pressure.” [chapter 9]

“(Right after this older sabo takes them down to the ocean so that they can play a little and desensitize themselves and immediately fucks himself over when he goes weak in the water bc he somehow fucking forgot his own devil fruit again and now even younger sabo is on his case about not letting him near the fucking ocean that little goddamn HYPOCRITE—) )” [for chapter 9]

“Ch 9 plan: they finally leave dawn island. Starts with the boys getting a haircut after training and luffy mentions how long it’s been since they’ve last needed a haircut, giving sabo and ace time to point out that it’s been 2 months now since ryu joined them, and that sabo was completely healed by now. The boys are now aware of the basics of haki, and while luffy hasnt awakened either yet ace and sabo both have a little bit of weak armament haki. (sabo won’t awaken observational haki until he gets his memories back) ryu tries to sneak off into the city to steal a boat but his brothers refuse to leave him behind and keep sneaking out after him, not wanting him to go alone and saying that since he’s been training them they’re clearly stronger and he needs to let them do this. Ryu eventually just lets it go because why the fuck not it’s a dream and they make him feel better. They get the boat out on open ocean and finally fucking sail out, cheering loudly, ryu struggling to make them all calm down but also not really trying. He’s happy as shit, and they’re all so excited and happy and sabo dips a hand into the waves and then smiles so fucking wide and tackles ryu so violently they both nearly tip into the water and it’s just very very good. “ [also for ch 9] 

** I flat out dont Have any outlining from before chapter 6, because i only started actually outling chapters after that. i tend to just sit down and Write up until i hit a plot point or writers block and then am forced to actually think it through and plan rather than letting it come naturally. thats also why the quality and editing is better in later chapters despite everything being written within the same time frame. 

besides entire chapter outlines, there are the scene specific phone notes like:

“(ADDED) Right after they leave dawn, when sabo is sure they’ve gotten enough of a head start, he calls Garp. He doesn’t say who he is, but that all of the boys are safe and happy with him and has them all talk into the phone to assure him that they’re fine. Garp is honestly just pissed off he doesn’t know who’s calling and when he asks sabo just laughs and says a disobedient brat before hanging up. “

“(ADDED) TO EXPAND ON CH 3: sabo gets offered the chance to go with dragon, and he hesitates on the offer to go through with his previous life with the family he’s made in the revolutionary again. He almost agrees, because the bought of losing them in this lifetime is near excruciating but reminds himself swiftly that it’s no place for his brothers and not what they’d really want, and he wants selfishly to be with them as long as he Can until he “inevitably” wakes up. The boys are visibly relieved by this, especially ace. (Sabo gets asked who he is by dragon, who wants to know more about the stranger with his son, but dragon has always been quicker to make connections no one guessed and he just smiled knowingly at sabo and tells him he’s sure the other will have no trouble finding them if he’s in need. Sabo in turn warns him to keep Kuma close, and to look for a slave girl named koala.)”

I have…. many of these. I have Many of Everything. 

finally, i have scene doodles. if i hit a bad writers block it usually helps me to sketch scenes or the character designs to regain my grip on what the hell is happening in the plot– Breach of Intention has character design sketches, pakcbond has MANY scene sketches, even some of my nsfw has some sketches. my wror skecthes arent Good of course, I am an art teacher for children and that means i am more often explaining the color wheel and brush techniques over drawing perfect human replicas– and i just dont really make a lot of fanart? ive never drawn sabo before but i sure have a bunch now. i wont include close ups because they genuinely suck but heres an example pic 

So… yeah thats about everything. this is a VERY long post and yet i only included like maybe ¼ or 1/5 of all the notes i have dbskhjgfkjadns lmk if anyone wants more (or notes for my Other stories, which contain NO WHERE the same absurd amount of shit that wror does.)

[shadows-echoes]

The Logic of Emotion - Pt. 7

(This beautiful gif doesn’t belong to me!! Gif source here!!)

Pairing: Connor RK800 x fem!reader

Summary: Connor’s just trying to complete his mission but he keeps running into the emotional roadblocks of those around him. You’ve been assigned to the deviancy investigation along with Hank and Connor, but you’re starting to ask questions no one seems interested in listening to. The investigation becomes more difficult for everyone involved as it progresses, and for vastly different reasons.

Warnings: none?

Word Count: 2.3k

A/N: *finger guns*

Part 1 // Part 2 // Part 3 // Part 4 // Part 5 // Part 6 // Part 8 // Masterlist

The room is three degrees colder than it should be, the air staler, and the lights dimmer.

The muted overhead lights created long, blurred rectangles on the semi-reflective, spotted beige tiles that covered the floor. The rooms had been sterilized since its last user but traces of them still remained: their handprint lingering on the windowsill, a strand of hair in the corner of the room. Even the nurses and doctors, as rigorously clean as they tried to be, had left their mark. Scuff marks and thin, dark streaks from faux non-marking sneakers dotted the ground along with barely-there footprints.

With his elbows braced upon his knees, Connor cataloged them all as he absently tossed a coin between his fingers. He picked out every possible piece of evidence scattered along the floor and followed them, found what they were from and who they belonged to. He hadn’t found anything of interest over the last three hours and fourteen minutes since he and Hank had been allowed entrance into the hospital room, but his mind needed to work.

He needed to process something or he would go insane sitting here. Doing nothing. Waiting.

You had become his mission in an instant, but now there was nothing he could do for you.

Connor had wanted to track down Martha himself; it would be another mission. It would be objectivity. It was what you’d wanted him to do in the first place. But Hank had been… insistent that he stay.

And so he had.

At first, Hank offered some distraction from the misery of the slowly passing time, but he eventually fell into an uneasy sleep in the chair next to Connor’s. Connor contemplated entering stasis mode himself, just to pass the time, but he was worried about what he would find there. He wasn’t sure if he’d come back.

Connor had a vast arsenal of questions pestering his mind and a list of objectives he needed to meet, but the two people he most desired answers from were both asleep and his targets had been as unreachable as they always had been.

Every so often, his gaze would inevitably be drawn back to where you lay and he would quickly resign himself to staring at the floor once again. It was safer that way.

Twenty-seven minutes and ten seconds after he last looked up, the rhythmic beeping emanating from the machine monitoring your heart rate broke its steady pattern. 

It was accelerating.

Connor was out of his seat and standing beside your bed before your eyes finished adjusting to the light and your unfamiliar surroundings.

Dark crescents sat beneath your eyes and your skin held a sallow tone to it, but you were out of surgery, beginning the healing process, and unrefutably alive.

Your shifting ceases as your disoriented gaze catches on him. “Connor?”

It was barely a croak, nearly inaudible, but there was a probability of zero that he would miss it. He was too highly attuned to you.

A wave of- of something, of multiple somethings, washed over him. He didn’t particularly care to name whatever it was, he had better things to ponder at the moment, but he felt like he’d been restored. Like his key biocomponents had been switched out and upgraded versions had been installed. A shroud of darkened, heavy thoughts still clung to him, but at least now he felt he could properly function again.

The corners of his lips curl upwards fractionally. “Hello, Y/N,” he greets, the words acquiring an unexpected softness he hadn’t consented to.

Connor watches as you attempt to blink away the daze from your eyes, a squinting grimace crossing your features.

“What happened?” you rasp, eyes sluggishly darting from him, to Hank’s sleeping form in the corner of the room, to your own stomach in confusion. “I… I don’t remember coming here.”

He doesn’t know the correct procedure for this, he’d never done it before, there had never been a need for him to visit someone in the hospital. But a question? A question he could handle.

“We were investigating a deviant named Martha. She was hiding out in a different apartment as we searched through hers and you found her,” Connor informs, an unknown weight forming over his chest at the memory. “She stabbed you twice. You passed out from the blood loss shortly after we reached your car, that’s why you don’t remember arriving. It was difficult getting you here alive but even unconscious you were quite stubborn. Upon arrival, you were rushed into a successful surgery six hours ago. The doctors said the prognosis for your injuries was-”

The back of your hand tiredly brushes against his side and what’s left of the sentence dies on his lips.

You’re shaking your head. “I meant- wait… Were you… rambling?”

“No,” he refutes, the barest hint of defensiveness entering his tone and posture as he straightens his shoulders. “I was just answering the question.”

The fog must be lifting from your mind for the look you give him is more observingly shrewd than should be possible given the quantity of drugs being fed into you through the IV in the crook of your elbow.

Connor waits, unsure, as he watches the result of the synapses firing in your brain. Confusion was etched into the hard, tired lines of your face as you stared at him. He could see the question forming, dawning in your mind, and he had a high suspicion he knew exactly what it was you were trying to work out.

“But you… Didn’t I…”

The full question is left unsaid but he can see it in your eyes, he can hear it in his head. He’d assumed it would take you longer- hoped it would take you longer- to reach, but it seemed even in an incapacitated state you could find a way straight to key turning points. To questioning the foundation of things and the reasoning behind them.

Didn’t I order you?

“It was the only way,” he quietly relents. Closely observing the further furrowing of your brows. He wondered whether his explanation was too vague or if you simply didn’t want to accept it. He grew increasingly uncomfortable with the uncertainty as the seconds ticked on.

It wouldn’t take you long to figure out, he may as well help, but the prompt felt thick leaving his mouth. “You ordered me to leave you behind, Y/N.”

The confusion gradually drained away from your face. As your expression went slack and you paled, Connor realized his mistake. Perhaps uncertainty was preferable.

“Are you… Are you saying-”

You couldn’t finish the breathy question; there was too much dread pooling in your stomach.

Dread and guilt and hope and pride and delight and something that warmed your heart a dangerous amount. 

But worry came out of the hailstorm victorious and clear.

Because if Connor was- if he- then Cyberlife would-

Connor says nothing, his gaze holding yours as resignation filled his eyes. 

An unspoken confirmation.

As you stare up at him, agape and speechless, some idle, non-spinning part of your brain registers the tightening of his jaw.

Whatever painkillers you were being given were certainly doing their job, there was only a slight soreness radiating around your stomach. Though, your body did feel like it hadn’t moved in days. Every part of your arm felt heavy as you reached out to grab Connor’s hand in a speechless thanks, in acceptance, in a small act of comfort.

But you stopped short, hand hovering centimeters from reaching his, as another realization hit you like a semi-truck.  

Your hand falls. 

One of the machines beside the bed unhelpfully announces your once again spiking heart rate. It made you more nervous than you already were. “Connor, there’s- there’s something you should know.”

The smallness of your voice isn’t lost on him. The resignation is quick to fall to calculation; a speculating look overtakes his features and you swallow back the lump in your throat.

You were covered in blankets and a stiff blue hospital gown, almost completely covered, but you feel wholly bare before Connor.

Would he hate you after this? For the lies you had been feeding him? For the cases you’d made him fail? For the suspects lost? Or would he begrudgingly accept everything you’d done now that he too was a-

You look to Hank’s form for assistance, unsure whether you're praying for him to awaken of remain asleep, but he remains hunched over the side of his chair. Sleeping.

You force yourself to meet Connor’s now concerned, wary eyes.

If he was- if he was a deviant now, then... Then there were things he needed to know. 

You steeled your resolve. “I… I’ve been working with them. With Markus.”

-

Connor watches from across the hall as a friend of yours climbs onto the foot of your bed, finding a comfortable position there while animatedly speaking about something. The tone was slightly chastising from what he could hear, but he noticed a small smile creeping onto your face regardless.

It had been difficult enough for Hank and Connor to skirt the regulations regarding visiting hours. So, when your wild-eyed friend had practically busted into the room after somehow making it past the now hissing receptionist, they both respectfully excused themselves.

“Have you told her yet?” Hank asks, glancing at you through the room’s open door before turning back to Connor.

“She knows I’m a deviant,” Connor states. The firm words are quiet enough not to be overheard by the few staff members pacing the long hall.

Hank scoffs. “Not that. That you like her.”

Connor turns, his brows furrowing as he looks up at the man beside him in confusion. Hank’s shoulders were pushed against the wall he was leaning into, a cup of cheap, vending machine coffee in hand, exhaustion lining his features. 

“Hank-”

“Look, I don’t know jack shit about the technicalities,” Hank interrupts, cutting Connor off before his dismissal is even voiced. “But I do know that androids don’t deviate over nothing -even if it was a stupid fuckin’ order.”

While the last sentence was grumbled with frustration and lingering disbelief, the rest of the statement was spoken with a knowing tone.

Connor pauses.

Before, back at the apartment building, Connor had been startled out of his processing when he first heard the muffled gunshots being fired on the floor above him. He’d been worried for your safety as he charged out of the room and through the building, and he’d been terrified when he saw you slumped against a wall, bloodied and far too still.

Panic had overridden his systems.

Warning signals flared and roared to life before his eyes, but he’d shoved them all aside. He knew he shouldn’t have, he knew it was wrong, but he did it anyway. Without hesitation.

He didn’t care about his system instabilities. He cared about you.

And the one thing he knew with an alarming amount of clarity was that he couldn’t abide by your command, he needed to ensure your survival.

When the wall of coding appeared, listing his instructions, his mission, Connor had taken one look at you -at your bloodied, fragile human body and your eyes that were so desperately clinging to determination and resolve like a lifeline- and tore it down. He had kicked and punched and pulled until the wall between him and you, between his mission and saving your life, fractured into pieces.

Was that what it meant to like someone? To disregard what should be done for what emotion dictates one should do? What a… human notion.

Though he had had his suspicions about your commitment to solving the investigation long before today, he had severely underestimated the scale of it. Of you. Despite what he had erroneously assumed to be poor detective work and interfering, trivial emotions, however, he had still enjoyed your company. To the extent that he could, at least. 

You were one of the few who had always treated him as an equal, even- especially through his screw-ups. Only now he knew the lengths you went to for his kind, and the rather stupid risks you took considering who you were partnered with. 

In hindsight, it was painfully obvious what you were doing. Your skittish nature, your drained eyes, the oddities in your reports, the number of deviants that had gotten away when he was so close to catching them. It was so obvious, in fact, that it made him wonder...

No matter what he felt about everything else and how much it ate away at him, you seemed to be ground zero. He couldn’t deny the emotions you were able to conjure within him. The relief, the happiness, the affection, the additional guilt, the nervousness, the want to protect… It all swirled around him in a cloud.

But is that what it boiled down to? That he liked you?

Emotions were new, overwhelming, and far more disorganizedly irrational than he’d assumed, but the term didn’t feel particularly accurate.

Not that it mattered.

“I… I might be a deviant, but I am still an android,” Connor reaffirms, a fixed reminder to both himself and Hank. “Even if I completely understood what I feel now, nothing could ever come of it.”

Hank hums, nestling into the wall. “I wouldn’t be too sure about that.”

Again, Connor pauses. The words catch him, a small, precise lure. Something in him begs to rise to the bait, to inquire, to learn more-

But it doesn’t matter.

He had fulfilled Hank’s request by staying as long as he had. Now, Connor has places to be. Or rather, one place in particular.

You’d divulged Jericho’s location; it was time he went there.

-

A/N 2.0: To everyone who was worried: Ily but it had to happen.

But guys. Guys. This is like… the second to last part??? There’ll one more part after this and I’m not entirely sure how to write endings so we’ll see how it goes   ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

I hope the POV switches came out alright. I rewrote this scene so many times to try and make it work.

Let me know what you thought!! Hmu with that feedback! I’m not even joking when I say it gives me life. It’s what I most look forward to <3 

Tags: @aya-fay @mamamemequeen @layinglonely @robin-rokossovsky @simplysaying @superanonymousreader @aririna1412 @marinettelafayette @purpstraw @tinycyberhacker @lunarlexycon @littlemsrantsalot @bibbo-boggerns @lost-and-found-jc @fuckthatfeeling @avispate @audiblehush @grievance-s @i-resent-this-hellsite @kylobien @fandomfreakgod @colddeadeyes @ctvrty @fineactually @wadeyouwitch @dragonempress123 @queerfandomtrash @mldivers

[jarienn972]

Only a Little Superstitious - Chapter 23

I didn’t have time to get this chapter posted last night so some may have already seen it on AO3 or FF.net.  This is the next to last installment of this story and it’s almost a little bit sad to be wrapping it up.  This chapter picks up right after defeating Kronk and jumping into the portal, but did they make it in time to save Killian from the dark magic and all of the injuries Kronk imparted on him?

From the beginning: 1  2  3  4  5  6  7  8  9  10  11  12  13  14  15  16  17  18  19  20  21  22  Tagging @killian-whump and @hookaroo.  Still a little last minute whump on our pirate here .

"Are you sure we're in the right place?" a bored and still somewhat confused Dr. Victor Whale asked as he leaned against the rear bumper of the ambulance. He and two paramedics had been waiting here in the park for nearly an hour since Regina had summoned them - but they'd arrived to Storybrooke's largest park to find only a gathering of perfectly healthy people. Regina and Snow White had implored him to stay, but he was growing increasingly impatient. "I still don't see the medical emergency you were so adamant about, Madam Mayor."

Regina threw him a perturbed glare as she surveyed the expanse of park grounds herself, watching for any anomaly that would indicate a portal would soon open. This park had the largest open, grassy area in all of Storybrooke which was why it was the place she and Emma had agreed upon.

"Be patient for once, Victor. It's not like you have dozens of other medical emergencies to run off to. Emma might not have been able to get the dagger to work yet. Magic isn't as absolute as your science but they'll be here and Emma specifically stated that Hook would need medical attention. I mean, she can probably heal it all once she returns to Storybrooke's magic but just in case, I need you here, at the ready. The man was stabbed with a dagger that's almost as evil as the Dark One's after all."

"Seems to be a recurring problem," Whale quipped.

"And I will be yours if you don't shut up and just get ready to do your job," a visibly tense David lashed out as he overheard the doctor's commentary about his son-in-law.

"David… didn't see you there…" Whale shrank back, slightly embarrassed that his statement had been heard. "I'll just wait over here until you need my services…"

"You do that," David snapped, turning his attention to Regina. "Anything look out of the ordinary to indicate the portal is about to open?"

"Not yet," Regina replied with a shake of her head, "but it's not always easy to tell when or where a portal might open. You know that, David. Don't worry, she'll get it."

"Emma sounded pretty worried on the phone. She said the fever was back, didn't she?"

"Yes, and you know that too. You heard the same conversation this morning that I did. As soon as they return with the dagger, I can use a spell to draw the dark magic back into the artifact. I'm quite sure that once he's no longer fighting against that darkness, Hook will make a full recovery from the stab wound."

"I hope you're right," David sighed as a gust of wind tousled his hair. "Funny, I don't remember the weather forecast mentioning wind for today…"

"It didn't," Regina smiled as she brushed her own dark locks away from her face, realizing that the sudden strong breeze could be the portal just as the vortex materialized in the middle of the open field. Emma stumbled out first alongside an elderly woman with long, braided white hair.

"Emma!" David cried at the sight of his daughter. He started running toward her as both women collapsed into the grass. A second or two behind them, a dark haired man tumbled out, losing his balance from the sudden impact with the ground and dropping a large bundle that he'd shouldered through the portal. David and Regina instantly realized that the bundle the man had been carrying was the wounded and seemingly unconscious Killian Jones.

Emma had warned that landings could be awkward when you reached the other side of a portal but Carlos hadn't thought to brace for such a sudden stop – especially when carrying the extra weight of his incapacitated friend. He did all he could to minimize Killian's impact, absorbing much of the blow himself as he collided with the largest expanse of real grass he'd ever seen. In a split-second, a blond-haired man was kneeling beside him, carefully lifting Killian's body and moving him to the side while paramedics rushed to the scene as well.

Carlos dusted himself off as he sat up, still slightly dazed and in awe of everything he'd just experienced. He started looking around to see what had become of Emma and Grandmother, turning his head to see the same blond-haired man who'd been kneeling beside him a moment ago now standing and extending his hand toward Carlos, offering to help him to his feet. "I'm David," the blond man announced as Carlos accepted the assistance. "You must be Carlos?"

"Carlos Littlecreek," he replied, shaking David's hand heartily once he was back on his feet. "Thanks for the hand, sir."

"You don't need to call me sir," David chuckled. "I owe you a ton of thanks and we'll definitely have to talk more later. Right now though, I need to check on my daughter and son-in-law." Carlos nodded in understanding as he watched the team of paramedics crouched above Killian, but when it suddenly kicked in that the man who'd helped him up was Emma's father, his jaw went slack. He'd just shook hands with a Prince?

Carlos couldn't see all of what was going on to his right. The paramedics had lifted Killian's limp body onto a gurney, positioned an oxygen mask onto his face and appeared to be attempting to get an IV line in but that was about all he could make out from his vantage point. He diverted his eyes away from the busy medics long enough to finally spot Emma who was being tightly embraced by (and fussed over by)her father and a tiny but fierce looking woman with short, dark hair. Snow White. He was staring at Snow White hugging her daughter. This was surreal…

Grandmother had stepped aside when Emma's parents hurried in to embrace her, but the elder woman knew that Emma's focus was singular. She pulled away from them, trying to reach her husband, only to be intercepted by another dark-haired woman, this one in a tailored business suit. Everyone seemed to be commenting on Emma's hands, undoubtedly concerned about the burns, but Emma kept shrugging off their worry. Looking on, Carlos couldn't help but stare as the brunette he hadn't yet identified hovered her own hands above Emma's burns, seeing the same glowing magic that Emma had used on the mountain. The frown on the brunette's face as the glow faded led him to believe that something hadn't worked as it was supposed to but Emma didn't seem fazed. She simply shook her head and passed the cursed dagger to the other woman then pushed her way over to the paramedics.

"How is he?" Emma asked breathlessly when she was finally allowed to reach her ailing husband's side. David stood next to her with his arm wrapped around her trembling shoulders.

"Not good," was Dr. Whale's blunt response. "His blood pressure is too low and his lungs don't sound good. Several of the sutures appear to be torn open and he's likely bleeding internally as well. Regina told me he was still suffering from the stab wound, but this looks more like blunt force trauma to his rib cage."

"Kronk kicked him in the chest," Emma explained.

"Then we may have a lung puncture here," Whale stated. "Regina, whatever it is you need to do, get it done because you're either going to have to heal him right now or I've got to get him into the ER soon."

"Fine," Regina replied, retrieving a small, glass potion bottle from her pocket. She flicked away the cork stopper and poured the contents of the vial over the surface of the blade. "This should allow me to draw that dark magic back to its source…" She held the blade a few inches above Killian's chest and they all looked on as curled wisps of a grey smoke-like substance were drawn toward the dagger. It didn't take long to pull all of the noxious mist away from Killian, but with his condition already so dire, it felt as though it had been an eternity. "Done. All of the darkness has been contained back inside the dagger. Emma, do you want to try to heal him first before Whale spirit's him off to the hospital?"

"I don't know, Regina," Emma spoke up. "Magic didn't heal the burns on my hands when you tried a moment ago… Maybe magic isn't able to heal wounds caused by magic?"

"I've never known it to be a problem before…" Regina replied, but Whale cut her off.

"Don't you think magic has done enough damage?" the doctor interrupted. "Let medicine take care of him from here…"

"It's a rare occasion that I have to say I agree with Whale," David said firmly. "Victor might not be my favorite person in this town, but I trust his abilities. Emma, you should go too and get those hands looked at. Those burns are really bad."

"Thank you, David," Whale responded with an unusual amount of humility as he accepted the prince's compliment. "We've got to go now though." The two paramedics already had the gurney raised and ready to load their patient in the waiting ambulance as Emma nodded her agreement. Enough magic for this day.

Moments after watching their friends be whisked away in the ambulance, Carlos and Grandmother found themselves standing alone in the middle of the grassy field, trying to take in all they could see of Emma and Killian's hometown. Grandmother first noticed how different the air smelled, inhaling the scents of grass and trees mixed with the salty sea air, all such a drastic contrast to the dry, dusty desert. On the horizon, dense forests of towering trees blanketed the hillsides, nothing like the scrub brush and chaparral dotting the Arizona mountains that Carlos patrolled. He had to drive further north to Flagstaff to find forests even remotely resembling these, and even those were mostly pine. The vistas were nearly as mesmerizing and magical as any of the supernatural events they'd witnessed this morning.

"So that's what magic looks like…" Carlos mused, accenting his words with a nervous chuckle.

"As I've long dreamed, the White Witch did bring magic back to our mountains," the old woman stated, a broad grin etched into her features while she patted her grandson on the shoulder.

"I'm so sorry I doubted you, Grandmother," he laughed. "That was one hell of a ride!"

"Indeed it was," she smiled. "Now, I suggest that you call your employer and let them know that you might not be in for a while."

"Yeah, I already gave them a head's up that I was going to be helping the couple I rescued get home. I just never did say how or for how long. I suppose I should also come up with a story about why the SUV is parked up in the mountains in case someone pings the GPS…"

"My apologies," a woman's voice sounded behind them. "Our town is normally much more welcoming to our guests, but this has been a rather unusual morning…" The Navajo pair turned around to find the brunette in the tailored pantsuit who had minutes ago removed the evil spirits from Killian's body. "I'm Regina Mills, Mayor of Storybrooke. I wanted to be the first to officially welcome you to our magical little town and I wanted to personally thank you for everything that you both did to help Emma and Hook, I mean Killian."

"It's alright," Carlos replied. "We've already been told a few of your real identities, Your Majesty."

Regina flushed a bit as Carlos gave her a polite dip of his head. "I'm heading over to the hospital if you'd like to join me, or if you'd rather, I can drop you off to get something to eat first?"

"That is very kind of you, Ms. Mills," Grandmother replied with a gracious smile.

"Why is it that I feel as though we might have met somewhere before, Miss…?" Regina started her statement before realizing she hadn't been formally introduced.

"Sarah Bending Willow," Grandmother introduced herself, "and no, I don't believe we've met, unless you've been to Arizona at some point. But I have had many people tell me that I remind them of someone."

"That must be it," Regina replied, slightly embarrassed that she'd even asked. "Now, where were we? Oh, yes, I can drop you off somewhere to get lunch or you're welcome to ride along to the hospital. I just have to pick up my son first…"

"Their lunch is on me," David announced as he approached. He'd seen his family off to the hospital and now wanted to express his own gratitude. "It'll be a while before Emma and Hook are treated so we'd like to show you our thanks. We'd love to have you join us for lunch and we'll give you a little tour of our town."

"We would be honored," Grandmother accepted the offer. "I don't believe it would be polite to turn down a Prince, although the only real thanks we require is knowing that our friends are alright."

"Emma's tired and cranky, insisting that we don't need to worry about her and Hook's stable for the moment," David informed them. "We won't know much more for a while so there's no use in just sitting around here."

"Then we humbly accept your offer," Carlos stated. "I for one could use some food. Hiking up a mountain and then magically portaling across the country certainly builds up an appetite."

Emma's eyes flew open, going wide with fear as she struggled to remember where she was. The pungent smell of disinfectant filled her nostrils making her believe for a moment that she was back in the hospital in Mesa, but no, it was too quiet. No, they'd made it back to Storybrooke she reminded herself as she slowly came to the realization that she was lying on a hospital bed with a tan fabric curtain hanging on either side of her. She gradually remembered how much her hands hurt as she glanced down to see them lightly bandaged and then it all came back to her, except where Killian might be. The last thing she could recall was seeing him laying on the gurney in the ambulance with Dr. Whale fighting to keep him breathing, Killian's face deathly pale. If she was here in the hospital though, he had to be here as well.

"Hello?" Emma called out, hoping someone was nearby who could answer her questions or she'd just have to get up and go find the answers herself. "Is somebody there?" She knew Storybrooke's hospital wasn't near as busy as Mesa's, but it almost seemed too quiet and she was just a tiny bit jumpy when a hand appeared on the curtain to her right.

"Mom, you're awake," Henry smiled as he drew back the curtain, leading Emma to breathe a sigh of relief. "Oh, did I startle you? I'm sorry. The nurse gave you some medicine for the pain after they treated the burns and you fell asleep. They said you could stay here in the Emergency room until you woke up. Not like there's anyone else around…"

"It's okay, kid. How long was I asleep and where's Killian?"

"About an hour and a half and Killian's still in surgery…"

"That long? Where's everyone else?" Emma asked as she bolted upright. "Are they here too?"

"Mom, relax," Henry encouraged as he helped her off of the narrow bed, careful not to bump her scorched hands. "Mr. Littlecreek and Ms. Bending Willow are with Grandma and Grandpa getting the royal tour of Storybrooke."

"Remind me to give them a huge apology later," Emma lamented, but Henry was happy to see that there was a smirk on her face. "Is Regina with them too?"

"No, she dropped me off and stayed just long enough to get an update on both of your conditions. She wanted to get that dagger down to the vault and lock it away as soon as possible."

"Good idea," Emma agreed as the teen helped her out to the guest lounge around the corner where he'd been waiting for her to awaken.

"We can wait here for news on Killian," Henry insisted. "The couch is a lot more comfortable and since I was the only one here, the nurse let me have the TV remote." Emma dropped down onto the chocolate brown faux-leather sofa, trying as hard as she could not to use her hands. "You want a drink or something to eat? There's a vending machine around the corner or I can make a trip down to the cafeteria…"

"You know, kid, I could really go for a cup of coffee and chocolate – any kind of chocolate they have."

"Be right back!"

What little remained of her coffee had gone cold by the time she caught a glimpse of Victor Whale, still clad in his surgical scrubs, emerging from behind a set of double doors. She sprang to her feet, startling Henry who had dozed off on the opposite end of the sofa.

"Victor?" she called to him, not even caring that she was supposed to be quiet inside a hospital. After all, she was the Sheriff. Who were people going to go to with complaints?

"Emma," the doctor acknowledged her as he approached. "Glad to see you looking rested. You'll need to be mindful of those blisters, but your hands should heal up just fine. Thankfully for you, only a few spots were second degree…"

"I wasn't going to ask about my hands, Victor. Killian – how is he?"

"Critical at the moment, but he should make a full recovery. Getting the dark magic out of his system was a huge help, but that blow to his chest could have killed him."

"Because it reopened the sutures?" she asked, remembering the blood soaking through Killian's shirt.

"Among other things," Whale replied. "That kick caused some serious damage – a couple of cracked ribs, collapsed lung and a ruptured spleen. Seriously, how strong was the other guy? Anyway, I also had to put a dozen sutures into that gash on the back of his head. I don't know what exactly happened to you back in Arizona, but it's a damned miracle he's still breathing."

"I want to see him," she insisted.

"He'll be in recovery for a while, but we'll get him moved into a room as soon as possible."

"I want to see him now, Victor," she repeated, her tone unflinching.

"Emma, you know I can't let you in there…" Whale responded, perhaps a bit too confidently.

"And you know that I can find a new way to get you out of my way with just a simple flick of my wrist," she reminded him. "Can we make this easy on both of us?"

Whale set his jaw as he contemplated the options. "Fine, fine… Not like there are any other patients in there with him. You have five minutes, and it's just you. Sorry, Henry."

"It's okay," Henry replied. "Go ahead, Mom. I'll wait here and text everyone to let them know Killian's out of surgery."

"Thanks, kid." Emma wanted to give her son a huge hug or at least a pat on the back, but both of those might have to wait until her hands healed. "Be back in a few…"

For a fleeting moment, Emma was struck with an overwhelming sense of déjà vu as she stood at Killian's side. She knew they were home, that they were safe, but her mind was suddenly back in that Arizona recovery room, standing there lonely and filled with trepidation. They'd been separated by curses, thrown into different realms and were even torn apart by death yet she'd ever felt as helpless as she'd been standing at his bedside without the ability to heal his wounds and ease his pain. Even now, there was still a trace of that anguish eating away at her. Now, she possessed the power to heal him with a wave of her slightly-scorched hand but after days fighting to survive complications brought on by magic, she knew Killian would agree that enough was enough. He'd rather suffer the pain of a lengthy recovery than pay the price later for a magical quick fix.

Whale had advised her not to touch Killian, but Emma had never been one to listen, using her fingertips to trace the hollow of his cheek, the angle of his neck and jawline while being mindful of the web of tubes and wires surrounding him. She wanted desperately to squeeze his hand and let him know she was right here with him, but decided against that thought when even a little minor movement of her fingers reminded her of her own discomfort. Instead, she settled on pressing her lips to his forehead, ghosting tiny kisses along his temple until a single teardrop fell from her eye, dropping onto his cheekbone before trailing off into his hairline.

"We're home, Killian," she whispered, not even caring whether he could hear her or not. "We're back in Storybrooke and Victor got you all patched up again. Everyone's just waiting for you to wake up and we'll tell you the whole story. We'll get you through this and I promise, we'll do it without any more magic, unless of course, you decide otherwise…" She gently pulled up the cream colored blanket to cover his bandaged chest, not wanting him to be chilly. "Whale won't let me stay in here long but I needed to let you know, the dark magic is gone. Now, the rest is up to you."

[archived--hell]

1, 2, 17, honestly all of them if you’re up to it

1 - already answered 

2. Do you have a personal favourite among your OCs?

L O R D T jupiter fuck man got damn id die for jupiter 

3. Have you ever adopted a character or gotten a character from someone else?

i have adopted characters before, but ive never done anything with them, and i have received characters Back from people but besides that nah

4. A character you rarely talk about?

HI PLEASE I BEG OF YOU ASK ABOUT THE GODS PLE AS E IM DYING

5. If you could make only one of your OCs popular/known, who would it be?

fuck uh.. honestly if its only semi popular would i do this bc being Well Known would be nice, yeah, but.. it scares me? idk but uh probably leo or aero, theyre two boys i hold close to my heart

6. Two OCs of yours that look alike despite not being related?

:) eldur and leo kinda? idk i try not to make any of them look alike rip

7. Are your OCs part of any story or stories?

YES! theyre actually all part of one universe called cooking with demons! i have a whole game planned out for the man cast kinda? but all in all its all set within one universe, with multiple different stories occurring within it jhfdksg

8 - already answered

9. Would you ever be willing to give any of your OCs to someone else?

unless specfifically made for them upon request, no. ive already tried that once and it lead to me losing any and all control i had over my characters. At this moment, i only “share” a few ocs with my boyfriend @coffee-burglar and even then, its taken almost a year to even be able to do that

10. Introduce an OC with a complicated design?

uh, all of them are kinda complicated for me, but as of right now, that would go to leos full form. (if u want a ref hmu and ill post it, but it wont be my art)

11. Is there any OC of yours you could describe as a “sunshine”?

like a ray of sunshine? yeah! angel and stitch would fit perfectly for that!

12. Name an OC that isn’t yours but who you like a lot

@coffee-burglar their oc chrome n koh,  or derek but thats bc im a hoe

13. Do you have any troublemaker OCs?

aero, jhor, innis, leo are all trouble makers to some degree, leo being the most trouble some

14. Introduce an OC with a tragic backstory

uhhhh fuck what counts as tragic?

i guess id have to say leo or jupiter mostly, but eldur fits too

15. Do you like to talk about your OCs with other people?

if youd let me i would yell about these fucks for hours on end, ive done it

16. Which one of your OCs would be the best at biology (school subject)?

the best but wouldnt enjoy it: Jupiterthe best and would absolutely enjoy it: colby

17. Any OC OTPs?

stitch/lavaaero/kohcolby/derek/inniswill/happiness aeyr/Eberictderek/Xhaztolleo/eldur

18. Any OC crackships?

jhfkdfsjghdfkjhgdkfjsgl i never talk abt it but will/aero is fucking A+

19. Introduce an OC that means a lot to you (and explain why)

ah,, leo. i originally made him to project the worst in myself onto, and because of that ive made his life a living shit hole. but,, recently ive been hell bent on giving him a good ending, one where he heals, and lives his life ok, where he finally, finally has a chance to be happy and get help. its,, kind of been a tiny growing point for me? he just, means a lot to me because of that haha

20. Do any of your OCs sing? If they sing, care to share more details (headcanon voice, what kind of songs they like etc)?

uhhh all of their voice claims are songs n such but only a few of them actually sing in canon! heres the voice claims of the ones who do sing:

Aero - thats his voice, but hed probably more likely to sing Something Like ThisAngelStitch - this is her voice! but shed be much more likely to sing something a lot more upbeat, kind of like thisColby (its jeremy from bmc jghfdkg)

and one i dont have a voice claim for yet that does sing canonically is Sycamore! 

21. Your most artistic OC

!!!! oh thatd easily be will! hes nothing professional at all, but he does enjoy drawing and making diy type projects :0c hazels also artistic but with food :0c but what would you expect from a kitchen witch

22. Is there any OC of yours people tend to mischaracterize? If yes, how?

Hi My Names Skinny Penis And No One Has Ever Even Looked At My Ocs For More Than Two Seconds

23. Introduce OC that has changed from your first idea concerning what the character would be like?

lordt all of them would fit that, but the one thats changed the most? lordy thatd probably be will! he used to be a persona that was mostly only interested in dying and getting fucked, but now hes? evolved into a fully fledged character, and has even changed from being human lmao

24. If you could meet one OC of yours, who would it be and why?

jupiter, simply because he is The Biggest Comfort i have. hes,,, really important to me and i love him a lot

25. The OC that resembles you the most (same hobby, height, shared like/dislike for something etc?)

:) its bold of you to assume they dont all resemble me in some way. the most though? damian. lazy motherfucker with 200 emotional issues and no motivation to fix any of them

26. Have you ever had to change your OC’s design or something else about them against your will?

…yeah.

27. Any OCs that were inspired by a certain song?

Nope, most tend to be born from ideas spawned by me n my bf concepting about my ocs, and what would happen if this thing happened? yknow?

28. Your most dangerous OC?

He has yet to be revealed >:)c his names icarus

29. Which one of your OCs would go investigate an abandoned house at night without telling anyone they’re going?

INNIS, GOD INNIS WOULD AND HED PROBABLY DIE

30. Which one of your OCs would most likely have a secret stuffed animal collection?

secret: damiannot so secret: colby

31. Pick one OC of yours and explain what their tumblr blog would be like (what they reblog, layout, anything really)

uHHhhHh 

damian would probably have a very shitty coded blog theme (or default) and would genuinely only reblog shitty, abstract memes, and nice food recipes for hazel to make him

32. Which one of your OCs would be the most suitable horror game protagonist and why?

protagonist? if youre going for the scared baby, colby. if ur going for the stoic “thats weird but ok” one, innis or aero.antagonist tho???? Leo and angelica :)

33. Your shyest OC?

uh, a oc thats genuinely shy and not just anxiety filled? angel :0c shes had a very limited interaction pool with anything thats not other angels so she tends to shy away from others bc she really, really doesnt want to get into awkward situations

34. Do you have any twin characters?

Jupiter and leo!

35. Any sibling characters?

Jupiter, leo, angelica, damian, eldur

jupiter, leo, damian, and angelica are all related via their dad, while eldur is related to damian via their mom

36. Do you have OC pairs where the other part belongs to someone else (siblings, lovers, friends etc)?

uhh if im understanding this question right yeah i do! derek, koh, n a lot of others belong to @coffee-burglar ! ive just roped them into my universe dkjfhkdjgh

37. Introduce an OC who is not quite human

Op All Of My Characters Are Inhuman

38. Which one of your OCs would be the best dancer?

surprisingly? aero! hes got really good rhythm and can actually dance really well, its kinda scary

39. Introduce any character you want

:)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))) Ill let yall have a choice, pick one

1.) Lust2.) Greed

40. Any fond memories linked to your characters? Feel free to share!

fond?? uh,, not really. but damian does have a very important memory attached to him.

tw for suicide ment hjgkdfs

with damian, i created him after i tried to kill myself and was stuck in a mental hospital. i had just finished reaing the first shadowhunters book, and decided to try and draw the first demon(???? was that what he was?? im a dumbass and its been over 2 years) you met, which had bright blue hair and if i remember correctly, electric green eyes? but yeah. i made him to cope with all the mental stress i had while being forced to be in that hospital, and hes become very close to my heart because of that

41. Has anyone drawn fanart of your OCs? If yes, maybe show a picture or two here (remember sources & permissions!)

!!!!!!!!! yeah!!! my boyfriends drawn damian and most of my characters bgjkfdhgkfdsgl but one i do hold close to my heart (bc at the time, i barely knew them) was when @stuck-in-the-ghost-zone drew aeyr! it made me really happy tbh. i still have it saved to my phone actually!!!

42. Which one of your OCs would be the most interested in Greek gods?

uhhhh,,, provided that they found a way to get anything involving earth and their beliefs itd probably be either angel or colby. angel enjoys learning anything and everything she can, while colby enjoys hearing about the Tea™ that comes with greek shit

43. Do you have any certain type when you create your OCs? Do you tend to favour some certain traits or looks? It’s time to confess

lordt ok

i really just? enjoy making demons really, or anything that doesnt quite fit “conveniently attractive” in at least one form they have. (i also favor making guys bc im Gay)

44. Something you like about your OCs in general

how well theyre coming together, for so long, their stories have been little fractures and pieces that never fit together. Fragments. but now, theyre almost fully put together and its… wonderful to see

45. A character you no longer use?

a hi have.. one. their name was angel aura, a steven universe oc. i got rid of them because of too many.. bad things.

46. Has anyone ever told you that you treat your OCs badly?

not directly, but yes. it.. actually helped me give a lot of them a ok life, or at least a good ending

47. Has anyone ever (friendly) claimed any of your OCs as their child?

@coffee-burglar eldur, colby, will n a few others lmao

48. OC who is a perfect cinnamon roll, too good for this world, too pure

ELDUR GOD ELDUR PLEASE SOMEONE GIVE THIS KID BACK TO HIS MOM

49. Which one of your OCs would most likely enjoy memes

damian

50. Give me the good ol’ OC talk here. Talk about anything you want

ghjkfgkfdhgklfjhglkjdfhgslfjdgh give me a actual thing to talk about bc im dying op

[yumenikkira]

not a dream - surgery 08/09/21

i want to briefly write about my experience before the details leave my memory. im writing this on august 11th, 2 days later.

the morning on august 9th 2021, i woke up at 7:30 am and was driven to the hospital by my mother, with my sister accompanying me. i checked in with the staff in the hospital and we all waited together for about half an hour.

when my name was called, i went by myself to walk into the preoperative area, and said goodbye to my family. i walked with the nurse down the very long room.

i passed by a number of elderly people on their beds. it was a sort of uneasy feeling. each of these beds were surrounded with a long green curtain that could be drawn to isolate and hide the room. if i had to guess a number, i think there were only about 4 or 5 of these secluded rooms.

she lead me to my area, and asked me some questions. she had a unique name but im struggling to remember it... luss? she gave me clothes to change into, and closed the curtain so that i could change in private. i set all of my clothes into a plastic bag they supplied me. i wore long white compression socks, with brown cushioned socks on top. (apparently i put these socks on upside down) and a green open smock which closes in the back with ties. 

after i was changed, more people came in to ask me questions. there were a lot of people coming in and out. the anesthesiologist was a kind, very old man named dr. rudolph. he just asked me medical questions. i believe another nurse, dana, asked me questions as well. 

dr. buchanan, my surgeon, came into the room as well. i saw him earlier in an orange mask, (his company branding is orange) but at some point he had changed into a more surgical green mask. he had an assistant with him, a med student who was shadowing him. i undressed in front of dr. buchanan so that he could make markings on my chest. 

it was a few minutes of him drawing on me with sharpie, and the three of us talked about unrelated things for a bit. it felt very casual and relaxed. i was not nervous at all yet. i asked dr if his other patients were usually nervous, and he said he had someone crying just the other day. i was feeling confident i wasnt going to cry. i asked him if he’d seen the movie repo. the dr hadnt, but the assistant did. it might be morbid to bring up that movie right before surgery, but it was on my mind.

after he was done, the dr left the room again. luss(?) and dana came back into the room. i lied back on the bed. i was talking to them about their nails, they both had nicely done nails. i told them i did gel nails for my family at home. dana said she had her nails done because she was going to see her granddaughter.

it was time to hook me up with the iv. im very nervous about needles, so i was looking away. dana talked to me while luss took care of the iv so i could take my mind off of it. the iv went into my hand, because thats a better position for the surgery. it hurt for a moment, but it quickly stopped bothering me. i thought it would have been more painful.

at this point, preperations were all in order. it was time to wheel me to the operating room. the two nurses brought up the bars on either side of the gurney bed and began to wheel me off towards another area behind swinging doors. at this point, i got really nervous, and i felt tears starting to form in my eyes, even though i was trying not to cry.

they wheeled me down a hallway, then into the operating room. i was on my back staring at the ceiling, so as i entered the operating room i saw very stark white, and knew exactly where i was. it felt eerie, and i was really scared. i never had surgery before.

things began to move very fast once i entered this room. they had me move myself off of the gurney onto the operating table. there were probably 6 or 7 people in the room moving around and preparing things, some of them asking me questions or moving me around preparing me. dr buchanan noticed i was crying. me took my hand and squeezed it while everything was getting ready. i thought about how this whole thing would be so much easier if i had a thing for getting cut open or something. LOL

dr buchanan told me people often dont remember being in the operating room at all, because the anesthesia causes memory loss. in my case, i remember it quite vividly. he gave me a code word to remember. the word was “butterfly”. ill tell him this when i see him again.

they placed an oxygen mask on me, which they said was oxygen and “something to help me relax”. evidently, that was the anesthesia. i was looking up at the surgeon and the anesthesiologist, attempting to talk to them a bit as i breathed through the mask. i felt myself getting slighty drowsy, but i wasnt feeling it very much. basically i was thinking, like, “this anesthesia aint shit”, but the next thing i knew i woke up back in the preoperative area, back on the gurney bed. 

i think at this point it was about 6pm. id been in the operating room for the entire day. everything was very blurry and hazy. to be fair, i didnt have my glasses, so thats probably why, lol. i felt myself waking up, but it was still hard for me to speak. my speech was slurred. however, i still tried my best to talk to everyone as they came by. i remember seeing the surgeon, and he said everything went well and my new chest looks great. 

a lot of the conversation i had at this point was very hazy. i think i must have put my clothes back on at some point? i believe it was luss as the last person there taking care of me. she helped me into a wheelchair and said my mom was on the way to pick me up. at this point, it seemed that mostly everyone had left, and just a few people were hanging around behind the desk in this area. she wheeled me out of the preop room and over next to the desk to wait for my mom. my phone was dead, so i just sat there and waited. i wasnt really in pain or anything, just bored. i was also bummed out because i wanted to take a post op selfie in the hospital. i should have taken more pictures beforehand, but i wasnt really thinking about it at the time.

eventually, my mom was there, and the nurse wheeled me out to the pickup area. another different nurse(?) there, a man, showed my mom how to drain my drains on either side. my chest in bandaged and under a surgical bra, with little drain bulbs on either side. 

they helped me hoist myself into the car from my wheelchair. surprisingly, i felt really good. i still feel good, even now. my pain is very minimal, and im able to get up and walk around easily. im hoping the remainder of my recovery will be just as seemless.

[pooma-bible]

Pas. JOHNRAJ. LAMECH

🍁

Greetings in the matchless Name of our Lord Jesus Christ.

Topic: The First Great Mission to the Gentiles – By Peter!

Rhema Word: Mark 16:15 (NKJV) “And He (Jesus) said to them, “Go into all the world and preach the gospel to every creature.”

Let’s pray. Our Gracious Loving Father, thank you for giving us an opportunity to meditate Your Word today along with your children who have been called to live a holy life Father. I commit everyone who are all meditating this message into your mighty hand Father. Bless them and give them the oneness of Spirit and make their heart as a good land to receive each and every Word which is living and active Lord. Thank You Holy Spirit for helping us to understand the in-depth treasure of Your Word and helping us to live a life as per Your Word Lord. We give all the Glory and Honour to You only Father. We pray in the mighty Name of Your beloved Son Jesus Christ. Amen.

We learn two incidents in the book of Acts Chapter 9, where God used Peter mightily, first to heal a man who had been paralyzed for eight years; and, second, to raise a Christian woman from the dead. Since resurrections are rare in Scripture, this was an extraordinary event.

We need to understand why Luke included these two stories. Did he mean for us to imitate Peter by going out and performing miracles in Jesus’ name? In Acts 9:35, Luke mentions that all who lived at Lydda and Sharon turned to the Lord as a result of Aeneas’ healing. By “all,” Luke probably does not mean every single person, but rather, a great number. Then, in Acts 9:42, Luke tells us that the result of the raising of Dorcas was that many believed in the Lord. Luke is showing how the gospel of Jesus Christ spread, resulting in the salvation of many.

Thus, I believe that he wants us to view these miracles as spiritual lessons of the power of the gospel to transform sinners. The miracles actually happened, but like Jesus’ miracles, they were signs, pointing to something beneath the surface. They show us how God mercifully imparts spiritual healing and new life to those who are helpless and dead because of sin.

Let us try to learn the following from Acts 9:32-43, with the help of Holy Spirit, today:

1] The Disciple: A Commitment to the Lord’s Mission:

2] The Place: A City where Saints lived:

3] The Need: A Tragic Sickness:

4] The Proclamation: Jesus Christ Heals:

5] The Result: All turned to the Lord:

6] The Need in Joppa: A Believer had tragically died:

7] The Source of Power to raise the dead: Christ Jesus:

8] The Results: Many believed in the Lord:

1] The Disciple: A Commitment to the Lord’s Mission:

There was Peter’s commitment to the Lord’s mission. Christ had chosen Peter to be the leader, the apostle to the Jews as we see in Galatians 2:8 “For God, who was at work in Peter as an apostle to the circumcised, was also at work in me as an apostle to the Gentiles.” Therefore, it was Peter’s duty to reach out to the Jewish believers wherever they were. They were at that time scattered all over Palestine because of persecution (Acts 8:1-4). The Bibles says in Acts 9:32 “Now it came to pass, as Peter went through all parts of the country, that he also came down to the saints who dwelt in Lydda.” Therefore, he set out on a mission and evangelistic tour to visit and strengthen the believers and to preach Christ to all who would hear.

Note here three important points:

a) Peter “travelled about the country”, that is, Judea, Galilee and Samaria (Acts 8:4,14,25). He went everywhere, ministered everyplace for which he was responsible.

b) Peter preached the gospel to the lost and he edified (built up, strengthened) the believers (Acts 8:25). This must always be remembered. It is the duty of believers to witness and share Christ wherever they are, no matter their gift or calling.

c) Peter was faithful to his calling, faithful to the Lord’s mission. He had to pay a price by sacrificing personal comfort. He had a family and a home to look after, yet he left the comfort of all to travel about and preach Christ (Matthew 8:14).

Jesus said to them, Go into all the world and preach the gospel to every creature.”

Jesus said in John 4:35-36 “Do you not say, ‘There are still four months and then comes the harvest’? Behold, I say to you, lift up your eyes and look at the fields, for they are already white for harvest! And he who reaps receives wages, and gathers fruit for eternal life, that both he who sows and he who reaps may rejoice together.”

Apostle Paul while writing to Galatians says in Galatians 6:9 “And let us not grow weary while doing good, for in due season we shall reap if we do not lose heart.”

Psalmist says in Psalms 126:5-6 “Those who sow in tears shall reap in joy. He who continually goes forth weeping, bearing seed for sowing, shall doubtless come again with rejoicing, bringing his sheaves with him.”

2] The Place: A City where Saints lived:

The Bible says in Acts 9:32 “Now it came to pass, as Peter went through all parts of the country, that he also came down to the saints who dwelt in Lydda.”

The place where Peter went was a city where saints lived – Lydda. There are two things of significance there: (i) The city was a place where the power of Christ was to be demonstrated. It was an important commercial city. (ii) The city had saints living within it. Yes, a city that has believers dwelling within its boundaries is greatly blessed. The citizens may not know it, but they are. Yes, believers bring the presence of God to a place, the presence of righteousness, peace, love, hope, joy and justice.

The Bible says in Proverbs 11:11 “By the blessing of the upright the city is exalted, But it is overthrown by the mouth of the wicked.”

We further see in Proverbs 14:34 “Righteousness exalts a nation, but sin is a reproach to any people.”

3] The Need: A Tragic Sickness:

The Bible says in Acts 9:33 “There he found a certain man named Aeneas, who had been bedridden eight years and was paralyzed.”

The need for which Peter ran across was a tragic sickness, a man (Aeneas) who had been paralyzed and bedridden for eight years. His condition was similar to the paralytic whom Christ had confronted and healed as recorded in Luke 5:18-26. Here note two things:

a) The man’s condition was desperate. He was paralyzed, bedridden and unable to arise, walk, take care of his personal needs, move and he was in this condition for about eight years.

b) The man and his family or the ones taking care of him were full of despair and hopelessness. There was no hope he could ever recover and take are of himself. Yes, they were all helpless and gripped with a sense of hopelessness. There was no man who could change his condition.

Psalmist says in Psalm 42:6 “ O my God, my soul is cast down within me; Therefore I will remember You from the land of the Jordan, and from the heights of Hermon, from the Hill Mizar.”

Psalmist says in Psalm 69:2 “ I sink in deep mire, where there is no standing; I have come into deep waters, where the floods overflow me.”

Paul depicts this situation in Ephesians 2:12 “At that time you were without Christ, being aliens from the commonwealth of Israel and strangers from the covenants of promise, having no hope and without God in the world.”

Yes, that was the actual condition of this Aeneas in the city of Lydda.

4] The Proclamation: Jesus Christ Heals:

The Bible says in Acts 9:34 “And Peter said to him, “Aeneas, Jesus the Christ heals you. Arise and make your bed.” Then he arose immediately.”

The proclamation was a straightforward confrontation. Peter forcefully declared, “Jesus Christ heals you.” Note five points:

(i) All that is known about the man is his name, Aeneas. He was unimportant to the world, a man of no fame and significance, unable to contribute to society and its welfare. He was most likely even forgotten by the world. But note: he was important to God, very important.

(ii) The focus was Jesus Christ and His power, not Peter, not even the man and his need. Peter did not say, “I heal you.” He did not say, “It is my power, my faith, my act, my work.” But he said, ”Jesus Christ heals you.” It is Christ Himself – His love and care and His authority and power that can make the foulest clean and heal any man.

(iii) The word for “heals” (iatai) means to be healed immediately, here and now. It was not a drawn-out thing. The man was to be healed right then. The word has the idea of being made completely whole, within as well as without, spiritually as well as physically. The man, if not already saved, was made whole spiritually as well as physically.

(iv) Peter declared the Word of God to the man. Jesus Christ heals and make men whole. Then Peter assured and challenged the man. He told him to arise, to believe the Word, the proclamation, and takes care of his mat. Peter did not declare the power of Christ, then turn and walk away. He gave assurance to the man and challenged him, encouraging him to act, to believe, to get up and do something, to take care of his mat.

(v) The man had to believe that Christ had healed him. If he believed, he would get up; if he did not believe, he would not get up.

The Bible says in John 6:28-29 “ Then they said to Him, “What shall we do, that we may work the works of God?” Jesus answered and said to them, “This is the work of God, that you believe in Him whom He sent.”

Apostle Paul says in Romans 10:17 “So then faith comes by hearing, and hearing by the word of God.”

The Bible says in Hebrews 11:6 “But without faith it is impossible to please Him, for he who comes to God must believe that He is, and that He is a rewarder of those who diligently seek Him.”

The Bible says in 2 Chronicles 20:20 “So they rose early in the morning and went out into the Wilderness of Tekoa; and as they went out, Jehoshaphat stood and said, “Hear me, O Judah and you inhabitants of Jerusalem: Believe in the Lord your God, and you shall be established; believe His prophets, and you shall prosper.”

Please note, when God looks at our requests for healing, He considers four things:

a) God’s glory. Would granting the request bring the greatest glory to His Name?

b) Our good, not only physically, but spiritually. What particular spiritual grace or quality do we need to learn: endurance, self-control, trust or dependence?

c) God’s wisdom. He knows what is needed by whom; when it is needed; for whom it is needed; where it is needed; how it is needed; why it is needed?

d) God’s mercy. He wills above all else for men to know His mercy. He does whatever is needed to demonstrate His mercy to men. Sometimes, walking through the trials of life reveals His mercy more; sometimes removing the trials reveals His mercy more. He chooses the best.

The point is this: Jesus Christ heals the believer who has need of healing. This is always true. Yes, a believer who really needs healing is blessed by God and healed.

5] The Result: All turned to the Lord:

The Bible says in Acts 9:35 “So all who dwelt at Lydda and Sharon saw him and turned to the Lord.”

The result is that all of Lydda turned to the Lord. So did all the residents of the Valley of Sharon, all who saw the healed man. Please note the word “saw”. It was “seeing” the power of Christ in the man’s life that stirred the people to turn to Christ. Yes, nothing influences people more than the power of Christ in the life of a person. Christ within a believer – the rule and reign of His presence and power, the evidence of His working in human lives – touches people. It causes people to turn to the living Lord. They turned from religion in all its form and ritual to the Lord Jesus Christ.

Jesus once told His disciples in Luke 10:23-24 “Then He turned to His disciples and said privately, “Blessed are the eyes which see the things you see; for I tell you that many prophets and kings have desired to see what you see, and have not seen it, and to hear what you hear, and have not heard it.”

The Bible says in Acts 4:20 “For we cannot but speak the things which we have seen and heard.”

Psalmist says in Psalms 66:16 “ Come and hear, all you who fear God, and I will declare what He has done for my soul.”

6] The Need in Joppa: A Believer had tragically died:

The Bible says in Acts 9:36-37 “At Joppa there was a certain disciple named Tabitha, which is translated Dorcas. This woman was full of good works and charitable deeds which she did. But it happened in those days that she became sick and died. When they had washed her, they laid her in an upper room.”

Jesus Christ has the power to raise the dead. This is abundantly demonstrated in this marvellous event, an event that speaks loudly and clearly to the most desperate need of man – the need to conquer death.

The need was created by the tragic death of a believer. Here, note five points:

a) The believer was a faithful believer, a lady named Dorcas. She was deeply committed to Christ, a very faithful and devoted disciple, full of “doing good” and “helping the poor”.

b) Dorcas tragically died. The idea seems to be that she died right in the midst of her ministry when she was so needed. The believers were crushed. There was little hope that the ministry could go on as effectively as it had been.

c) A great hope and desperate appeal was stirred. The disciples at Joppa had heard about Peter being close by in Lydda and the phenomenal healing of the paralytic besides the power of Jesus who had raised the dead when he was doing His ministry.

Note, three significant points about the believers:

(i) Great hope swelled up in their hearts. They did not rush to bury Dorcas as was the custom of Jews. But they washed her and laid her in an upper chamber.

(ii) They sent two men to ask Peter to come and seek the Lord in behalf of Dorcas – for the sake of the church and its witness as well as for her sake.

(iii) They demonstrated great faith in the possibility that the Lord could raise the dead and meet the cry of their hearts. Yes, they had enough faith not to bury her and to go for Peter and ask him to come quickly without any further delay. The believers were in dead earnest, believing that the Lord could raise the dead if it was His will to do so. What an enormous faith in the Lord Jesus they demonstrated!

(iv) A sensitive, pastoral response was the result. Peter arose and went with the two men. He was deeply concerned and compassionate. He had been made aware of the need – yes, the cry for help had reached his ears and he responded. What a lesson for the leaders of the church!

(v) A deep sorrow was expressed for Dorcas, the dedicated believer. As soon as Peter arrived, they took him into the upper chamber. The widows whom she had helped so readily surrounded Peter, weeping from broken hearts. Yes, they began to show Peter the clothes Dorcas had made and given them.

Jesus said in Matthew 5:16 “ Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works and glorify your Father in heaven.”

While writing to Timothy, apostle Paul said in 1 Timothy 6:18-19 “Let them do good, that they be rich in good works, ready to give, willing to share, storing up for themselves a good foundation for the time to come, that they may lay hold on eternal life.”

7] The Source of Power to raise the dead: Christ Jesus:

The Bible says in Acts 9:40-41 “But Peter put them all out, and knelt down and prayed. And turning to the body he said, “Tabitha, arise.” And she opened her eyes, and when she saw Peter, she sat up. Then he gave her his hand and lifted her up; and when he had called the saints and widows, he presented her alive.”

The source of power to raise the dead is Christ Jesus. Note here three significant points:

a) The disciple got alone with the Lord. He excused everyone from the room. He had to get alone and seek the Lord. He had to concentrate and meditate; his thoughts had to be undisturbed before the Lord. There are at least four incidents in Scripture where the dead were raised in similar circumstances – (i) Jesus and Jairus’ daughter (Matthew 5:40-42), (ii) Jesus and Lazarus (John 11:28-44), (iii) Elijah and the widow’s son (1 Kings 17:17-24) and (iv) Elisha and the Shunammite’s son (2 Kings 4:18-37).

b) Peter prayed to the living Lord. The Lord is living and because He is alive Peter got alone with Him and asked at least two things:

(i) Peter asked for the Lord’s will. Was it the Lord’s will or not His will to raise Dorcas? (Acts 9:40).

(ii) Once Peter knew that the Lord wanted Dorcas raised, he prayed both for the power to raise her and for God to use the miracle to make men believe. (Acts 9:42)

Jesus while teaching about the model prayer said in Matthew 6:6 “But you, when you pray, go into your room, and when you have shut your door, pray to your Father who is in the secret place; and your Father who sees in secret will reward you openly.”

Jesus also prayed while doing His ministry as Bible says in Luke 6:12 “Now it came to pass in those days that He (Jesus) went out to the mountain to pray, and continued all night in prayer to God.”

Apostle John says in 1 John 5:14-15 “Now this is the confidence that we have in Him, that if we ask anything according to His will, He hears us. And if we know that He hears us, whatever we ask, we know that we have the petitions that we have asked of Him.”

c) Peter did exactly what Jesus instructed. He turned to the body and boldly demanded, “Tabitha, arise.”

Just see Peter’s faith. It was the faith of the Lord Jesus Himself, the faith which Jesus had demonstrated in raising Jairus’ daughter (Mark 5:41).

Yes, it was the Lord’s will for Dorcas to be raised from the dead. The Lord told Peter what His will was while Peter was praying. If Jesus had told Peter that it was not His will, then Peter would not have commanded Dorcas to arise. Her resurrection was to serve a greater purpose that her remaining dead.

Jesus said in John 7:17 “If anyone wills to do His will, he shall know concerning the doctrine, whether it is from God or whether I speak on My own authority.”

The Bible says in Acts 5:29 “But Peter and the other apostles answered and said: “We ought to obey God rather than men.”

8] The Results: Many believed in the Lord:

The Bible says in Acts 9:42-43 “And it became known throughout all Joppa, and many believed on the Lord. So it was that he stayed many days in Joppa with Simon, a tanner.”

The results of raising the dead were twofold:

(i) Many believed.

(ii) A tremendous door was open for Peter to freely evangelize the area. It was here in Joppa that God was to give him the vision that led to the carrying of the gospel to the Gentiles (Acts 10:11).

The Bible says in Acts 10:5-8; 10-16 “Now send men to Joppa, and send for Simon whose surname is Peter. He is lodging with Simon, a tanner, whose house is by the sea. He will tell you what you must do.” And when the angel who spoke to him had departed, Cornelius called two of his household servants and a devout soldier from among those who waited on him continually. So when he had explained all these things to them, he sent them to Joppa.” Verses 10-16 “Then he became very hungry and wanted to eat; but while they made ready, he fell into a trance and saw heaven opened and an object like a great sheet bound at the four corners, descending to him and let down to the earth. In it were all kinds of four-footed animals of the earth, wild beasts, creeping things, and birds of the air. And a voice came to him, “Rise, Peter; kill and eat.” But Peter said, “Not so, Lord! For I have never eaten anything common or unclean.” And a voice spoke to him again the second time, “What God has cleansed you must not call common.” This was done three times. And the object was taken up into heaven again.”

Note this critical point: When God raises the dead, it is always to demonstrate the enormous power of God to save men through any and all trials, even from the greatest of enslavements – death. There is dramatic symbolism in this point for the conversion of a soul from death to life eternal.

The “many” who believed in Joppa illustrate the point. They believed because Dorcas was raised. Because she was raised, they turned to the Lord for salvation. They turned from spiritual death to spiritual life, from physical death to life eternal. They wanted life now and eternally, life abundant and life that lasted forever. They wanted to live with Christ in that glorious day of promise, the day of redemption.

Jesus said in John 3:16 “For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have everlasting life.”

Jesus said in John 5:24 “ “Most assuredly, I say to you, he who hears My word and believes in Him who sent Me has everlasting life, and shall not come into judgment, but has passed from death into life.”

That is why Apostle Paul says confidently in Romans 8:38-39 “For I am persuaded that neither death nor life, nor angels nor principalities nor powers, nor things present nor things to come, nor height nor depth, nor any other created thing, shall be able to separate us from the love of God which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.” Hallelujah!!!

Let us introspect ourselves.

Shall we go everywhere and every place for which we are responsible to preach the gospel like Peter?

Shall we witness and share Christ Jesus wherever we are placed by God so as to bring the lost to the fold of God’s Kingdom?

Are we faithful to our calling and our Lord’s mission and able to sacrifice our personal comforts in reaching many lost souls and preach Christ?

Are we having the compassionate heart like Jesus and sense the needs of the perishing souls who are in hopeless situations?

Are we ignoring the people who are of no fame or unable to contribute to society or forgotten by the world while witnessing or sharing gospel by ignoring the fact that such people are very important for God?

Are we really glorifying our Lord Jesus Christ when miracles happen or boasting ourselves?

Are we growing in spiritual quality or grace day by day especially in endurance, self-control, trust or dependence on God always?

Are we able to understand God’s wisdom, His will and His mercy and how He does whatever is needed to demonstrate His mercy to His children?

Are we seeking our Lord’s will by keeping our thoughts undisturbed before the Lord?

Are we praying to our Lord after getting His will seeking His power to do the miracle and use the miracle to make people believe and glorify His Name?

Let us Pray: Our Heavenly Gracious Father, we thank You for helping us to understand about “The First Great Mission to the Gentiles – By Peter” today Father. Father, please help us to go everywhere and every place for which we are responsible to preach the gospel like Peter, help us to witness and share Your beloved Son Jesus Christ wherever we are placed so as to bring the lost to Your fold Father. Father, please help us to be faithful to our calling and our Lord’s mission by sacrificing our personal comforts in reaching many lost souls and preach the gospel, help us to have the compassionate heart like Your beloved Son Jesus Christ and sense the needs of the perishing souls who are in hopeless situations Father. Father, please help us NOT TO ignore the people who are of no fame or unable to contribute to society or forgotten by the world while witnessing or sharing gospel by ignoring the fact that such people are very important for You Father as You love them so much, please help us to humble ourselves and glorify You Father always whenever the miracles happen besides helping us to grow in spiritual qualities like endurance, self-control, trust and dependence on You Father. Father, please help us to understand Your wisdom, Your will and Your mercy and try to seek Your perfect will besides seeking Your power to do the miracles and use the miracles to make people believe and glorify You Father. We give all praise, glory and honour to Your Holy Name. In Jesus name we pray. Amen.

God bless you all.

[kwanfairy]

CHOICE TAG

Rules: Answer the questions (if you want to skip one, feel free to do that too of course!). Tag 3 people (or more or less, you choose really). Tag your post with #CHOICE_tag so we can find each other’s posts! Have fun!!

I was tagged by @choi-hae - thanks love for always thinking of me (ღ˘⌣˘ღ)

I’m tagging: @aamorella @moonsehyoon @kimbye0ngkwan

i know i havent interacted with either of you 3 yet and i feel kinda akward for calling you out like this so pls feel free to ignore.

1. Introduce yourself. You choose how much and how little!

hi hi im Bikki and i hate introducing myself cause i never know what to say lmao. im a pretty big loser with a big heart and an unhealthy obsession with anything dog related cause dogs are everything („ಡωಡ„)

2. How and when did you become a CHOICE?

ive started to get into kpop fairly 'late' (in 2016) and by the time undercover dropped a year later i was still quite confused and overwhelmed but i remember i really liked the song (and could not for the life of me tell bk and sehyoon apart in that MV wtf @ 2017 me LOL). fast forward to 2020 when favourite boys hit me like a truck and honestly it all is kind of a blur afterwards lmao. the aes of the MV had me fall in love with them instantly and i think i watched a bunch of 'funny moments' vids and stuff and it all spiraled from there

3. What is your favourite part of being a CHOICE?

4. What is your favourite A.C.E song? Do you prefer their title tracks or b-sides more?

this fandom mirrors the boys' crackhead energy like i have yet to meet a choice who isnt just as weird as the fools themselves and i absolutely love it (◡‿◡)

also: being choice means being a fan of ace and whats better than that

i really cant say. i like each song for very different reasons. i love Stand By You for its soft yet melancholic vibes. i love Golden Goose cause their performance on theshow killed me. id literally go feral listening to Hell if they finally. give us. a studio version. :) :) :)

5. Who’s your bias? What do you like about them?

my bebi Byeongkwan for sure eventho i also feel very drawn to Sehyoon cause we are pretty similar personality wise (i say as i dont really know him at all lmao). but best boi BK will put me into simp mode in -0.34 secs. i cant really say why i just love this gorgeous lil firecracker (ಥ◡ಥ) and im obsessed with ppl calling him fairy it literally makes me flatline cause yes yall are so right.....

but really, im a huge simp for them all (yes... even jun eventho it makes me gag to admit it LMAO)

6. What is your favourite thing about A.C.E?

how they play (and fuck) with gender norms and try out so many different things, esp style-wise. to me, it is such an aesthetically pleasing group(point proven with the siren teasers id say). i also love how natural they seem. like they dont bother about upholding a fake image. i esp get that feeling of 'just 5 dudes being friends' which i love so dearly during their vlives - its so refreshing and fills my heart so much

7. Which concept has been your favourite? What kind of concept do you want them to try?

8. Which A.C.E friendship is your favourite? Which one do you want to see more of?

id say undercover is pretty high up there (i mean pig tails crop top BK .......) but it looks like siren will take the crown once she drops....

i showed my anti(kpop) friend the intro:escape video and she said it gave her the creeps in a good way and ever since i have gone mad wanting a horror concept omfg

9. If you could tell A.C.E one thing, what would you tell them?

given that wowkwan are soft, tender, gentle boyfriends who have all my fucking uwus and therefore dont count, id say dongjun. wait nevermind these are husbands... ok junchan it is. i just love their father-son vibes

id love to see more donghun/sehyoon but only if grandpa doesnt call yoon fat or pig cause thats a big nono!!! or dongkwan cause i cant really think of any moments of them wth

how dare yall (¬_¬)

10. Which A.C.E member would die first in a horror movie?

11. Leave a small message for your fellow CHOICE!

i think its funny that everyone says jun but lets be honest.. the dumb ones usually make it longer dksdjkl

it for sure is sehyoon cause this airhead would probably get lost in his own thoughts without even noticing that he got separated from the others. the second his man BK isnt with him anymore to protect him its over for him lol

how are you all dealing with the teasers share your secrets cause im not doing so well :')

no but srsly the choice ive interacted with have been so incredibly nice and kind and patient with me and i love how this small lil fandom is so vibrant and caring both towards the boys and one another.

[k-chapman]

Chapter 4 - The Feast

I find myself lost. Vienna, my home, turned against me. Places of love turned to spaces of pain, in my mind, around my body. The ring of promise, the gift of love from my beloved, cripples my hand. I can hardly walk, and yet I wander.

In a side alley I am discovered. I had halted but for a moment when a man in the dead of night, smoking, speaks to me: "Do you know the pain of lost love? [1] Perhaps you are going to deny the existence of that which you do not see?” [2]

The speaker came into the light of alley. Behind him the gates in a wall seemed to distort as he moves, taking up my whole field of vision. I see his face; it is the rugged face of moments lost. [3] I fumble with my ring out of apprehension and disorientation.

His words bolder now: […] “we find three levels: we see one form closer to matter than to the agent, another closer to the agent than to matter, and another in between.” [4] His eyes darting back forth between me and my ring. Pangs of pain running through me as his needy eyes caress the gold. I thought him for a moment a common thief, but his words begged to differ, his manner was more akin to servant, a butler.

Our eyes met again. From the rugged, beautiful face the word came forth: “What the lover sees is the lost part of himself contained in, enveloped by the Other.” [5]

I could not stop myself from nodding in agreement.

“Come then, let us see, by way of the works and affects of the understanding, how we might be able to find what we are seeking.” [6] He softly opened the gate behind him, and we entered the presence of the house, enveloped by the garden, I felt outside the world. From this point onwards, a new relation between love and unreason began to take shape. [7]

Inside what I first took for statues, where in fact beasts. Cows to be exact. Surprised I stare at my acquaintance as he moved through the lush meadow.

“What of the purity of a man who, content with a farmer’s life, preferred honesty to any amount of gold?” [8] He winked, and he spoke in soft reassuring tones, as I release the grip on my ring, but only slightly. The beasts indifferently watched us, chewing.

The garden was completely overgrown, no discernible organization lay under these grasses. Clearings were only created by the cows stamping weight. Moonlight glittered of the lush follicles as they swayed in the breeze.

“Don't you understand what we owe to this breed of animal? [9] To any breed in fact?” He petted the head of one of the beasts as it chewed slowly. It struck me that purity, and retiring delicacy, are features well contrasted with the rough, but tender disposition of the hero. [10]

“Human body is not animal body. [11] We know too much; such consciousness cannot become dumb and trust again; innocence cannot be regained. [12] We surely by now would have forgotten innocence if it weren’t for the beasts.” But I was only half listening, my eyes drawn to the light from inside the house. I was drawn inside the house, feeling the light and warmth beckon me. I enter and for the first time see the source of the light, a great shining rift.

I feel I am not alone.

“What comes out of that thing can be called flame or soul, charm, consumption, in any case a halo.” [13] The voice resonates throughout the house, as if the walls themselves were speaking. The tones are deep now and hollow. I feel the man’s presence behind me but cannot tear my eyes from the beauty of the pit. Again, he spoke in an ever-increasing boom:

“[..]When the brain’s black vapours have filled the spirit and, with the spirit vibrating, have set into motion horrible forms in the phantasy so that very nearly the soul’s entire power is struck by the novelty of the hideous spectacle and is concentrated in the phantasy, are you surprised if it interrupts its work of contemplating for a while and resumes it only when the vapours have finally dispersed? [14]

[…] Such contemplation cannot rightly take place unless the images have been set aside. [15]

The true task is to see how meaning is corroded from within by an [external] object, an object inherent to it, a stranger within. [16]

Your ring…”

The last vowel shook the windows, like the grumbling of a hungry belly, the light of the pit pulsated, the ring now on the palm of my hand. My love, lost.

“Such a vice does not destroy the soul’s nature, but it does take possession of it. [17]

[…] Should the pain remain distinct or [should it] intermingle? [18]

Don't you know how much the gods like the smell of burnt offerings?” [19]

And with a simple movement the ring fell from my palm into the pit and sparked as it hit the bursting surface and an enormous clap sounded.

Every individual created substance exerts physical action and passion on all the others. [20] Is it through choice rather than through being that the Sun gives light to the world, that fire heats, that the soul nourishes the body? [21]

The release was electric. I was blown back by the heat, the air unbearable, the lightness otherworldly, I am thrown to the ground and find myself at the feet of the stranger.

Around us the house groaned as if in great pleasure, shifting and expanding with warmth. I look up, seeing now the distorted ceiling, covered in organic openings like a frozen dissolving cement. The opening like inhaling vents began to shimmer. The smokey vapours were sucked up and swirled around thousand tiny nostrils in a deep breath. Cool air streamed past the stranger’s feet and my body, I shivered.

He stares at me, his face illumined by the multicoloured glow. Slowly he fixed the sure gaze of his clear eyes on mine, and keeping his mouth tightly shut, he thoughtfully put his faithful hand on my shoulder. [22] Then he spoke with his voice echoing through the house as if they were speaking as one, his voice seemingly modulating the howling rush of air as it pulled past us.

“If [there] were some form superior to matter, why did one need to destroy the matter in order to make this completely unrelated form, which in no sense comes into existence from matter and is produced at a total remove from it? [23] Your eyes’ sparkle, I see clearly ; the waft of your breath I feel warmly, your [pain’s] voice’s singing I hear sweetly:— but what, singing, you tell me, amazed, I understand it not. [24] The victim, not the murderer, is guilty. [25] You were guilty, and you know it! You lingered!”

His lasts words left is face contorted with anger but only for a moment.

He looked to the blaze and in his own voice now, as if to himself, hardly audible past the streaming wind, he spoke:

“In this way whiteness has become corporeal [26]. The whiteness, the pure whiteness.”

Lying on the floor I saw him move towards the unbearable heat and I was taken by lightness, taken by peace. Sound becoming silence as I fall.

Softly, like feathers caught up in an eddy of air that had passed, [my] thoughts steadied and drifted to rest. [27] Down in this world you allow yourself a thousand peaceful acts: to sleep, dream, talk on and on, relax your attention; all danger moves away from your steps so naturally that you don’t think about it. [28]

[1] Asimov, Complete Robot Anthology

[2] Ficino, Platonic Theology Volume 2 Books V VIII

[3] Zajko, Laughing with Medusa

[4] Ficino, Platonic Theology Volume 3 Books IX XI

[5] Zizek, Less Than Nothing

[6] Ficino, Platonic Theology Volume 2 Books V VIII

[7] Foucault, History of Madness

[8] Alberti, The Family in Renaissance Florence

[9] Alberti, Momus

[10] Homer, Iliad

[11] Zajko, Laughing with Medusa

[12] Sloterdijk, Critique of Cynical Reason

[13] Serres, Statues

[14] Ficino, Platonic Theology Volume 3 Books IX XI

[15] Ficino, Platonic Theology Volume 5 Books XV XVI

[16] Zizek, Less Than Nothing

[17] Ficino, Platonic Theology Volume 5 Books XV XVI

[18] Ficino, Platonic Theology Volume 2 Books V VIII

[19] Alberti, Momus

[20] Leibniz, Philosophical Essays

[21] Ficino, Platonic Theology Volume 1 Books I IV

[22] Zizek, Less Than Nothing

[23] Ficino, Platonic Theology Volume 2 Books V VIII

[24] Kittler, The Truth of the Technological World

[25] Sloterdijk, Critique of Cynical Reason

[26] Ficino, Platonic Theology Volume 1 Books I IV

[27] Asimov, Complete Robot Anthology

[28] Serres, The Natural Contract